Terça-feira, 4 de Fevereiro de 2020

The Toxic Habit of Blaming Yourself for Everything and How to Stop It

 

The Toxic Habit of Blaming Yourself for Everything and How to Stop It.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 3rd, 2020.

 
 

 
Blaming yourself for everything will not solve all the problems. In fact, it will cause many more. It has to stop.
 
I have an example of two sides of a coin that are both toxic – that would be self-blame and being irresponsible. Honestly, I don’t know which one is worse. These traits come from many types of influence, including upbringing or abuse, which are a bit different.
 
Where the habit of blaming yourself is born
 
Could it be, that long ago you became the scapegoat in your family? A scapegoat is someone who always stepped in and took the blame in every situation. Sometimes they were pushed gradually into that position, while other times they learned that taking the blame often ended the arguments in the family.
 
You know, when this happens as a child, blaming yourself grows into a toxic habit that follows you into adulthood. On what a dysfunctional relationship could be formed with an irresponsible mate and a scapegoat. The thought makes me cringe.
 
Why is this character trait so toxic?
 
There are a few ways that putting all the blame on yourself can be toxic. First of all, you have no control when you are always to blame. You relinquish your control by admitting that you have failed when you probably haven’t done so. Your life cannot be better or stand out from the rest in a good way either.
 
When you blame yourself, you squander the hopes and dreams you would have if you looked at the situation logically and put the blame where it belonged.
 
How can we stop blaming ourselves?
 
1. Have a little compassion
 
Maybe it’s easy to be compassionate to others, but what about yourself? Are you showing yourself the love and respect that you should? If you learn how to understand your strengths and weaknesses, you can see where you might need to go easy on yourself.
 
Whether or not you are to blame, which is not every single time, learn to treat yourself the same regardless. And of course, if you are to blame, then apologize, just not over and over.
 
2. Be able to change
 
When you visualize yourself, do you see someone that’s stone, or do you see soft clay? Let’s just pretend we do this, and maybe we should start if we don’t. Well, let’s not try to see ourselves as something which is hard to change or cannot be changed, but rather, as someone who is malleable, and able to adjust accordingly.
 
So instead of blaming yourself, you’re probably set in stone in what you believe. It’s similar to being the scapegoat, being something that never really changes. Being able to change can help you discover where true blame lies.
 
3. Learn who you are
 
If you never really had an opportunity to get to know yourself, then you will never know the truth about blame. It will be incredibly difficult to know if you are to blame or not if you don’t even know your own personality. To some people, this may sound silly. They may be saying, “Well, I know who I am, I’m Fred and I live in blah blah blah…etc” but that’s not what I mean.
 
I mean your inner identity. Yes, you have one, and most people know this. Blaming yourself for something you didn’t do becomes hard when you know you never do these things in question. So, don’ take fake blame, and don’t allow anyone to put fake blame on you either.
 
4. Change friends
 
If you’re still hanging around friends who help you blame yourself, then those friends are not for you. At some point, you took the blame for something that one of your friends was responsible for, and since then, you’ve been their scapegoat. You’ve developed a toxic clique, and you must get away.
 
When you find new friends, make sure you’ve become firmly acquainted with who you are, and if they try to blame you for something you didn’t do, stand up for yourself.
 
5. Blame and responsibility
 
Before you leave the blame behind with this new powerful path of escape from self-blame, make sure you really aren’t responsible. You should take responsibility for what you do, but not for what you don’t do, so….take some time and learn everything you can about these two words. Be honest with yourself and with others.
 
6. Adopt a clear mind
 
Just like most other issues, mindfulness is a great solution. Our minds can become so full of things like appointments, ideas, work, children, and our mates, among other things. It’s easy to let your mind become cluttered so bad that you will take the blame just to keep from adding more clutter to your mind.
 
Maybe you can take the blame, apologize and move on instead of trying to figure out what really occurred. With mindfulness, including meditation, you can clear out some of the clutter. This happens because mindfulness brings peace which allows us to tackle each thing in our mind, one at a time until it’s a bit clearer. This will help you understand who’s truly to blame in situations.
 
Killing a toxic habit
 
Just like it’s toxic for someone to never take the blame, it is also toxic blaming yourself for everything, and deep down, I think you know that. Step by step, we can learn the differencebetween these sides of the same coin, and place the blame or responsibility where it belongs.
 

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

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Segunda-feira, 10 de Junho de 2019

How to Practice Self-Forgiveness When You Are Too Hard on Yourself ~ Sherrie.

How to Practice Self-Forgiveness When You Are Too Hard on Yourself.

By Sherrie.

June 9th, 2019

 

We must forgive others and sometimes we must practice self-forgiveness. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes.
Feeling bad for doing something wrong is normal. We should seek forgiveness when we’ve made mistakes or even been purposely cruel in the past.
However, dragging yourself through the mud for a long time after your regrets is not healthy. Self-forgiveness allows us to move on and learn how to be better people.

Have you been too hard on yourself?

When you mess up or make a mistake, how many times do you apologize? One apology, made in the right wayis enough to show you’re sorry for your actions.
When you apologize over and over, it doesn’t mean you’re any more or less sorry than with one heartfelt repentance. Sometimes groveling only makes some people use you and abuse your feelings. Try to remember that.

How can we practice self-forgiveness and self-love?

Some people can forgive themselves and be done with it, and some people get stuck in condemnation. I am sometimes those people. Lol
So, in order to practice self-forgiveness, we must sometimes first practice a few self-love tips. Here are some of the best.

1. An Inner dialogue on paper

When you have trouble forgiving yourself for something, you can try this: Write down how you’re feeling and take notice of the language you use when writing. Is your language positive? Well, probably not. But, you can use a positive outlook when talking to yourself about forgiveness.
Now, write down your good points. This includes your talents and strengths – basically, it’s all the things you like about yourself. Be honest. Do not describe yourself according to your shortcomings.
Write about the person you are separate from the mistakes you have made. This will help you gain perspective on your way to self-forgiveness.

2. Compassion

Just as you would show compassion toward someone else who made a mistake, and I hope you would, you must also use compassion with yourself.
You deserve a break because the world can be harsh, and no one is perfect. So, everyone needs compassion to try again. Even you need love to give it another shot.

3. Roleplay

Here’s an interesting way to forgive yourself. If you’re really being exceptionally hard on yourself, ask a friend to role play with you. Let your friend be you and take on the mistake that you made.
Now, pretend you are supposed to forgive them for what they’ve done, which is what you’ve done. I’m willing to bet that you will forgive them pretty easily.
Now, take your identity back and forgive yourself. At this point, you should be in a place where you can see your mistake as just a mistake, whether large or small.
You can move on with less guilt and condemnation than before. Thank your friend for the help and embrace the growth you’ve just gained.

4. Put the issue on hold

Even though the mistake may be bad, sometimes you have to put what you’ve done on holduntil you can process it correctly. It is okay to take it and store it in a mental box until later.
Now, as you’ve moved away from the mistake for a while, do things you enjoy and think better of yourself. When you feel strong enough, you can open the box and deal with what you’ve done. It’s usually easier to forgive yourself when you’ve done this.

5. Speak it

Words have so much power, both negative and positive. With some people, speaking aloud what they’ve done helps. This can lighten mental burdens and also help you see where you went wrong.
If you’ve hurt someone, you can see how and why you actually hurt them and the impact it had on their lives when you say what you’ve done.
In that process, you can find ways to heal from what you’ve done, and embrace self-forgiveness. If you’re feeling bad, just talk out loud to yourself or even to a friend.

6. See mistakes as learning

We all make mistakes from time to time. Like I said before, they can be large or small, doesn’t matter. When we make mistakes, we learn many things.
So, if you can see and feel what you’ve learned after doing wrong, you are making great progress. Forgiving yourself allows you to become a better you instead of wallowing in your sorrows.
This is unhealthy and doesn’t change anything that happened before. What’s done is done, and all you can do is try harder to be better.

Never be too hard on yourself

Self-forgiveness is necessary for living a full life. We will make so many mistakes that we will become accustomed to being flawed individuals. This is not to say we should do negative things and be proud of them, on the contrary.
We should always strive to be the kind and honorable in all situations. But if we fail, we should never be too hard on ourselves in an attempt to make things right. We must make amends and move on. It’s really the only way to truly practice self-forgiveness.
Have you forgiven yourself?
References:
  1. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 



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