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Domingo, 24 de Maio de 2020

How to Put Yourself First and 5 Situations When It’s Necessary.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle,

M.Sc. and B.Sc.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 24th, 2020.

image source

A pessimist is somebody who always sees the negative side. Pessimistic people expect the worst and are generally seen as unhappy, gloomy individuals. However, how thin is the line between a pessimist and a realist?

Traits of Pessimistic People

1. Always expecting the worst

This can relate to anything; the outcome of a job interview, the reason the phone is ringing, or how fun tonight’s party is going to be. A pessimist is a solid ‘glass half empty’ person and never has hopeful expectations that things will work out better than expected.

2. Finding it hard to see the joy in life

Somebody pessimistic doesn’t decide to be a downer; that would be a negative person who deliberately finds the bad in life. A pessimist might desperately want to feel as excited as everybody else but find it impossible to rationally think the same as others.

3. Difficulty with trusting relationships

As a natural pessimist, a person will take a lot of hard work before they can look to the future with positivity. It can, therefore, be really hard for these people to form close emotional bonds since their innate expectation is that it will turn out badly, and their trust will be crushed.

4. A tendency towards anxiety

Whilst the world around a pessimist will seem naïve, it can be tough to not feel overwhelmed by all the potential for things to go wrong. This can lead to stress and anxiety, feeling isolated with worries and concerns that nobody else can seem to see.

5. Excellent at contingency planning

A pessimist might see himself or herself as a realist; either way, they always have a Plan B. If you can’t accept the likelihood that plans will work out well, you will always be planning for the fallout, and have a back-up plan for when that happens. This makes pessimistic people excellent team members who can cope better than most with problems and challenges.

What Is the Difference between Pessimistic People and Realistic People?

Many pessimists will claim to be realists. They don’t have any other way of thinking and probably feel that all the optimists are gullible and reckless for not seeing the impending danger.

However, realism and pessimism are two different things.

Logic vs. assumption

Realists use their logistical reasoning to decide on what they believe is the most likely outcome. Pessimistic people don’t have this power of logic and will automatically assume the worst, regardless of the evidence to suggest otherwise.

Acceptance of other opinions

A pessimist finds it hard to accept that other people might feel differently from them. They might even feel it is their responsibility to convince others that they are right. A realist, on the other hand, can acknowledge different viewpoints and not take it personally if people disagree with them. They will be sure they are still in the right though!

Keeping control

Being incapable of seeing the positive in anything can be a demotivating experience. It often leads pessimistic people to experience anxiety and stress. Realists don’t suffer in the same way, knowing that their opinions are borne from fact and deduction.

What Are the Benefits of Being a Pessimistic Person?

It isn’t all doom and gloom. So if you think you may be a natural pessimist, there are some positives to take away from this personality trait!

1. Limited expectations

This may seem like a downside, but in fact, a pessimist who sets the bar for their expectations low will be more often happily surprised than other people. This can be an effective defense mechanism to cope with previous disappointments and mitigate the chance of being badly hurt.

2. Preventative healthcare

If you always expect the worst, you are very likely to be convinced that every lump and bump is a terminal illness. Pessimists tend to take very good care of themselves and react quickly to any potential health problems. This makes them much more likely to effectively manage any illnesses that do come their way.

3. Resistance to pressure

Pessimistic people are less prone to believing fake news or listening to bad advice than most of us. They use a negative outlook as a cognitive tool to analyze and respond to new situations. Thus, they have better courage in their convictions than most. This makes pessimists far less likely to buy into propaganda than any other people.

4. No forced feelings

An optimist will often be crushed when something works out badly. A pessimistic person will have seen it coming all along, so they will have been emotionally preparing for the fallout. Usually, an optimist will feel the need to continually be upbeat, to the point of faking it when they are feeling bad, which can be a stressful experience.

Conclusion

The reality is that most of us don’t choose our personalities and need to learn coping strategies to manage our less positive traits. However, there is always the capacity to change. Recognizing any tendencies that you would like to work on is the first step to effecting personal development.

There isn’t anything wrong with being a pessimistic person, much as there isn’t anything bad about being an optimist. Both have pluses and negatives, and both will leave you vulnerable to certain outcomes that will impact harder on your psyche than somebody with a different mindset.

Accepting who you are, and how best to deal with your personality to ensure it doesn’t negatively affect your relationships and social interactions is critical for all of us to make sure we are true to ourselves and living our best lives.

References:

Lauren Edwards-Fowle

https://www.learning-mind.com/

About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle

Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.

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tags: acceptance, assumption, expectations, lauren edwards-fowle, logic, negative thinking, other opinions, perception, personality, resistance

publicado por achama às 17:33

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Quinta-feira, 9 de Abril de 2020

Why You Are Feeling Sorry for Yourself and How to Stop

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted April 8th, 2020.

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Img source

You’ve probably moped around feeling sorry for yourself before. There are ways to stop this and cultivate a more positive attitude.

Yes, I am familiar with self-pity, and I bet you are too. But feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t get you far in life. It robs you of the time you can use to be productive and change things. No, the world isn’t fair, and bad things happen sometimes, but mulling around in self-negativity doesn’t help.

Are you feeling sorry for yourself?

Quick, take your mental temperature. Are you wallowing in self-pity? There are ways to tell if you are. If you’ve lost all passion for the things you love or talk constantly about your misfortune, you might be feeling sorry for your life and yourself. Would you like to know how to stop doing this? I thought you would.

How to stop the train of pity?

1. Accept the pity

I know this might sound counteractive, but just listen. It is okay to feel sorry for yourself for a little while. I know I might be going a little against the title in this post, but you will understand if you read on. What’s most concerning, is staying in self-pity for too long.

So, allow yourself to feel those negative feelings, every single emotion, but then agree to let them go after a certain period of time. Just don’t hold onto negativity for too long. Letting self-pity go will help you eventually feel less and less sorry for yourself in time.

2. Help someone

Helping other people always gets us out of our own head and into the concerns of friends, family, and even some strangers. The more you get out of your head, the better the perspective on what’s happening in your life that hurts. Of course, you should tackle your problems after helping someone else. Keep those things separated.

For example: Help someone move, listen to someone else’s problems or offer to babysit. Trust me, all these things will make you stop thinking negatively about yourself so much. You will see what other people are going through. Plus, it’s just right to help others anyway.

3. Change your focus

No matter what’s happened in your life to make you feel sorry for yourself, there are many things good about you. There are things that people see in you that you may not even see in yourself. However, if you focus on things that don’t revolve around self-pity, you may be able to grow a more positive outlook.

Try focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t have. So, you might not own a house, but you rent a decent one that keeps you safe and warm. You might not have a new car, but the one you have gets you where you need to go. Change how you see things, and self-pity will fade.

4. Stop giving up, and start breaking boundaries

When I say boundaries, I don’t mean the positive ones you’ve set for you and your life. I’m talking about the limitations that people place on you in society.

If you’re trying to become a doctor, and people keep telling you that you’re not cut out for it, do you back down and accept what they say? Of course, you don’t because this makes you start feeling sorry for yourself. So, if you want to be a doctor, start climbing on the bumps of criticism that everyone keeps throwing in front of you. When you refuse to give up, pity cannot survive.

5. Stay away from the 3 P’s

There are three thought processes that keep us locked in feeling pity. These mindsets are personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence.

With personalization, we tend to think that our situation is our fault alone. We blame ourselves and dwell on what we could have done differently. With pervasiveness, we assume that a traumatic event will affect all areas of our lives, and this is not true. And permanence makes us think that bad things will last forever.

These three lies must be thrown out in order to stop feeling sorry about our situations.

6. Think about your future

Yes, it’s great to live in the present, I encourage that. The thing is, you need to take a quick look at how your future could be if you continue to feel sorry for yourself. You see, self-pity is stressful, and it can take years off your life.

So, ask yourself if what you’re feeling bad about will matter in the next 5 years. If you don’t think it will, then start to let it go before it makes you sick. Remember, mental and physical health are connected and influence each other both ways. Keep your future in sight, just a bit of it, and maybe this will help you retain hope instead of pity.

So, let’s stop feeling sorry for us

When I say us, it means I sometimes suffer from the trap of self-pity myself. So, you’re not alone. It’s not all that difficult to do, especially when your life has been a series of letdowns and traumatic events. But you see, you cannot let those things define you, and when you feel sorry for yourself, that’s what happens.

I hope this helped you do a bit of positive thinking, and most of all, I hope it gave you the strength to stand in the face of adversity. I’m working on it myself, and so we’re doing it together.

I wish you well.

References:

Sherrie Hurd

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

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tags: emotions, mental health, negative thinking, personal development, positive thinking, psychology, self-analysis, self-esteem, self-improvement, sherrie, sherrie h, sherrie hurd

publicado por achama às 01:56

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Sexta-feira, 21 de Fevereiro de 2020

6 Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging and How to Stop This Toxic Behavior.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 20th, 2020.

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Img source

Unfortunately, we can sometimes fall into self-sabotaging behavior. There is more than one reason for that.

At the moment, I feel as if I am sabotaging my life. Just when I think everything is okay, another boulder rolls down the hill and flattens me again. But it’s not a real boulder, it just feels like one. You see, at that moment, I lose all desire for the things that used to make me happy. It’s like I’m waiting for the rocks to stop falling. It’s a possibility that will never happen in my present situation. So, I feel stuck, and thus, I am sabotaging my life in the process.

Toxic aspects of self-sabotaging behavior

Procrastination is part of my behavior. I will sit and binge watch television for hours so I don’t have to face the unfairness and disrespect in my life. Instead, I try to ignore it by losing myself in some fake story on the TV. And there are many other things I do, and others do that prove we are sabotaging our lives – we are wasting precious time by letting what others do govern the next move or the next goal. There are many signs that this is true.

Indicators that you are sabotaging your life

1. You’re choosing comfort over change

Maybe it was once a good situation, the life you’re living right now, but things have been revealed, and it’s no longer the life you thought. In fact, it’s almost unbearable. However, it must not be bad enough for you to change it. I heard this saying once, and don’t remember where, but it fits this perfectly.

Once there was a dog that was sitting on a long sharp nail. A man asked the dog’s owner why the dog didn’t get up off the nail. He said it must be painful for him. The owner said, “when it hurts bad enough, he will move”.

That’s what happens to us. Sometimes we refuse to change because we’re not hurting bad enough yet. Eventually, if things don’t get better, the pain will become too much to take. That’s when we may give up the self-sabotaging behavior and get off that nail that’s driving deep within. That’s when we may make a better life for ourselves.

2. Blame is never allocated correctly

When something happens, you tend to either blame yourself when it isn’t your fault and blame others when it is your fault. This might not be the case 100% of the time, but it’s most of the time. Your focus is on “who did it?” and not on “what can we do to fix it?”.

Self-sabotaging behavior not only affects your life, but it also affects other people as well. When children are involved, it’s just confusing for them. After all, you’re trying to teach them the correct way to take responsibility.

3. You always want to fix people

I’ve spent two decades of my life in relationships fixing men. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting and it has taken a huge portion of my youth. It’s as if those years just went poof! right in front of me. I’m not trying to be insulting to anyone, it’s just that, I should have laid out the rules about who I am and then left if my expectations weren’t met.

Did I do that? No. Instead, I thought I could help them, change them, improve their standards in life. That was just so silly, and it still is.

Trying to fix people is like trying to nail jello to the wall. It just doesn’t stick, it doesn’t stay, and it makes a huge mess. Also, when you’re busy trying to fix people, you lose so much time on the things that matter the most, like your children and unconditional people in your life.

4. You’re using others to compare

I work at this all the time. I don’t find it as difficult as being judgemental, actually. Maybe I am too busy judging people to be jealous of them. However, every once in a while, I see happy people and wish I was like that. I see them smiling on social media and hugging loved ones. The picture says that their lives are perfect, but I know that those images are not the full truth.

But every once in a while, I sabotage my feelings when seeing marriages, Valentine’s gifts, and people who seem to have lots in common. I compare those things to the differences in my life, and I catch myself wishing my family was closer. It’s like falling into a trap, and then destroying yourself while you’re in there. It can be ruthless.

5. You magnify the negative

You never fail to notice every single negative thing that happens, but the positive things slip right by so easily. To be fair, many times, the negative things are things that happen over and over no matter how many times you’ve asked for them to stop, or how many times you’ve worked on making it better.

This makes it incredibly hard to see the victories as wins. In response to this, you develop depression and anxiety trying to make things work. You don’t mean to do it, but you sabotage any hope you could have by moving forward.

6. Worrying about what others think

I don’t do this much, but when I do, I make sure I worry incessantly. I guess you might say, I only worry about the things that will affect me personally. No, I don’t worry about what people think of my style or my hobbies, but I do worry about the fact that people probably think I am mean.

I can thank the men trying to manipulate those thoughts in my head. I am introverted, and most of us really don’t care about what others think, but sometimes, we would like to be accepted the way we are, and we sabotage ourselves trying to be something we’re not.

Okay, so, how are we going to stop this?

Well, first of all, we all need some time alone to think. We need to figure out if the place we’re at is our true destination, or are we supposed to make a change. This knowledge may take some time. Like I said about the dog, when it hurts bad enough, you will get up, and get out of the situation.

We should never forget what makes us happy as individuals. This doesn’t include what makes our husbands or wives happy. This is about us and us alone.

We should also make sure to take full responsibility for our actions but refuse to take responsibility for what someone else has done. Don’t let anyone convince you that something they’ve done is your fault. That can be a form of gaslighting. And having a healthy amount of care about how people think of you is okay. It does matter, but not to the point that you have to conform to a dress code or majority standard.

And then remember to be positive once in a while. Even though someone may be driving you crazy with their idiocy, try to see the good in every single moment. If you can’t see good where you’re sitting, leave the room and find it somewhere else.

I hope this has helped you to stop sabotaging your life. As for me, I’m still working on it, and I’m telling you, when I get it worked out, I don’t plan on making these same mistakes. Let’s hope not.

Be blessed.

Sherrie Hurd

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

https://www.learning-mind.com/self-sabotaging-behavior-signs/

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tags: behavior, mental health, negative thinking, personality tests, psychology, relationships, self-confidence, self-improvement, self-knowledge, sherrie, sherrie h, sherrie hurd

publicado por achama às 02:22

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Quarta-feira, 5 de Fevereiro de 2020

How to Deal with Negative People in Your Workplace, Family or Friend Circle

How to Deal with Negative People in Your Workplace, Family or Friend Circle.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 4th, 2020.

image source

Handling negative people is a drain on our energy. It is often recommended to distance yourself from toxic relationships. However, sometimes we all have to learn how to deal with negative, critical and judgmental people, particularly of those people are colleagues, friends or family members.

Here are some tips and guidance to help you to learn how to deal with negative people, in the most positive way:

1. You are not responsible

It is all too easy to think that, when faced with a negative person, it is your responsibility to try and change their opinion. Sometimes this just is not possible and will drain your vitality in trying to do so.

Adults are responsible for their own behaviour. If a colleague is constantly complaining and trying to share their negative emotions with the rest of the team, it is not your job to make them happier in their role or workplace.

This particularly applies to friends and family. If a friend is very negative and unhappy about every situation, you can listen and show them moral support. However, you cannot put yourself under the pressure of trying to resolve all of their problems.

Make sure that, when faced with a negative person, you create your own space. Try not to let yourself be sucked into negative behaviour, and remain a bystander who has a sympathetic ear.

That isn’t to say that you might not have some helpful advice or suggestions, but do not overload yourself with trying to manage other people’s emotional responses. You are responsible for yourself, and how you engage, no more and no less.

2. Help where you can

Sometimes people just have a bad outlook on life, and nothing you say or do can turn that around. However, it can be useful to try and understand where negative people are coming from so that you can easier deal with them.

It may be that a colleague needs to vent; if you are in a position to let them air their concerns, feel free to do so. They may just need a friend to be able to express him or herself to, and get all their frustrations out in the open.

In this circumstance, they might be best advised to consult with the HR team or an appropriate manager. It can something just need a little nudge in the right direction to reflect their negativity on the solution they require.

Family members are another key example. When a member of your family is constantly critical, it can be difficult to want to spend time with them and can cast a cloud over family events.

Perhaps they feel ignored, or that their viewpoint is not being acknowledged. You can try to listen, and engage with their perspective from an empathetic standpoint. Don’t forget though that ultimately, you are not responsible for their actions.

3. Create boundaries

Easier said than done! When we have negative people in our immediate social circle, it can be very hard to create any kind of personal distance.

In order to safeguard your own emotional wellbeing, you should consider when and how you allow yourself to be exposed to negative behaviour. There are simple ways to effect boundaries, which protect you from being bombarded with negativity, and the impact this can have:

Own your own time

In the workplace, if you have a persistently negative colleague who impacts your working day, then consider when and how you deal and engage with them. If you tend to chat over lunch, then decide whether you are happy to continue doing so, or wish to change your break time. Once you leave the office, you are under no obligation to respond to messages or emails, and can set them aside and clear your mind to spend your personal time positively

Walk away

We all have a limit on how many stressors we can absorb in a given day. If you feel overwhelmed with problems and complaints, set a time limit on this part of your day. You can choose to walk away or schedule your time. If you have a social engagement and know that a particular friend will make this feel difficult, you can break away as and when you need to. Do not feel obligated to spend the entire time trying to deal with negativity.

4. Accept your feelings

Acknowledging that you find it hard to deal with negative people is fine. However, applying this to a close family member or friend can give rise to conflicting emotions.

You are allowed to feel saddened or frustrated at the attitude of somebody you love. It is particularly hard when a family member is constantly negative. So you end up feeling anxious about needing to spend time with them as it will not be a happy and positive experience from your own perspective.

Accepting somebody you love despite his or her bad traits is a tough part of family life. Try finding other members of your family who understand and can help to share the load of dealing with this negative person. This takes the pressure away from any one person.

The way we deal with negative people in our life evolves as we mature. The one factor to remember is that you control your behaviour, and how you engage with people, and not how anybody else chooses to. It is your response, and your coping mechanisms, which can keep this under control and prevent negative attitudes from having an impact on your own well-being.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle

About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

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tags: communication, family, friendship, lauren edwards-fowle, negative thinking, personality, work

publicado por achama às 03:27

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Terça-feira, 4 de Fevereiro de 2020

The Toxic Habit of Blaming Yourself for Everything and How to Stop It

The Toxic Habit of Blaming Yourself for Everything and How to Stop It.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 3rd, 2020.

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Img source

Blaming yourself for everything will not solve all the problems. In fact, it will cause many more. It has to stop.

I have an example of two sides of a coin that are both toxic – that would be self-blame and being irresponsible. Honestly, I don’t know which one is worse. These traits come from many types of influence, including upbringing or abuse, which are a bit different.

Where the habit of blaming yourself is born

Could it be, that long ago you became the scapegoat in your family? A scapegoat is someone who always stepped in and took the blame in every situation. Sometimes they were pushed gradually into that position, while other times they learned that taking the blame often ended the arguments in the family.

You know, when this happens as a child, blaming yourself grows into a toxic habit that follows you into adulthood. On what a dysfunctional relationship could be formed with an irresponsible mate and a scapegoat. The thought makes me cringe.

Why is this character trait so toxic?

There are a few ways that putting all the blame on yourself can be toxic. First of all, you have no control when you are always to blame. You relinquish your control by admitting that you have failed when you probably haven’t done so. Your life cannot be better or stand out from the rest in a good way either.

When you blame yourself, you squander the hopes and dreams you would have if you looked at the situation logically and put the blame where it belonged.

How can we stop blaming ourselves?

1. Have a little compassion

Maybe it’s easy to be compassionate to others, but what about yourself? Are you showing yourself the love and respect that you should? If you learn how to understand your strengths and weaknesses, you can see where you might need to go easy on yourself.

Whether or not you are to blame, which is not every single time, learn to treat yourself the same regardless. And of course, if you are to blame, then apologize, just not over and over.

2. Be able to change

When you visualize yourself, do you see someone that’s stone, or do you see soft clay? Let’s just pretend we do this, and maybe we should start if we don’t. Well, let’s not try to see ourselves as something which is hard to change or cannot be changed, but rather, as someone who is malleable, and able to adjust accordingly.

So instead of blaming yourself, you’re probably set in stone in what you believe. It’s similar to being the scapegoat, being something that never really changes. Being able to change can help you discover where true blame lies.

3. Learn who you are

If you never really had an opportunity to get to know yourself, then you will never know the truth about blame. It will be incredibly difficult to know if you are to blame or not if you don’t even know your own personality. To some people, this may sound silly. They may be saying, “Well, I know who I am, I’m Fred and I live in blah blah blah…etc” but that’s not what I mean.

I mean your inner identity. Yes, you have one, and most people know this. Blaming yourself for something you didn’t do becomes hard when you know you never do these things in question. So, don’ take fake blame, and don’t allow anyone to put fake blame on you either.

4. Change friends

If you’re still hanging around friends who help you blame yourself, then those friends are not for you. At some point, you took the blame for something that one of your friends was responsible for, and since then, you’ve been their scapegoat. You’ve developed a toxic clique, and you must get away.

When you find new friends, make sure you’ve become firmly acquainted with who you are, and if they try to blame you for something you didn’t do, stand up for yourself.

5. Blame and responsibility

Before you leave the blame behind with this new powerful path of escape from self-blame, make sure you really aren’t responsible. You should take responsibility for what you do, but not for what you don’t do, so….take some time and learn everything you can about these two words. Be honest with yourself and with others.

6. Adopt a clear mind

Just like most other issues, mindfulness is a great solution. Our minds can become so full of things like appointments, ideas, work, children, and our mates, among other things. It’s easy to let your mind become cluttered so bad that you will take the blame just to keep from adding more clutter to your mind.

Maybe you can take the blame, apologize and move on instead of trying to figure out what really occurred. With mindfulness, including meditation, you can clear out some of the clutter. This happens because mindfulness brings peace which allows us to tackle each thing in our mind, one at a time until it’s a bit clearer. This will help you understand who’s truly to blame in situations.

Killing a toxic habit

Just like it’s toxic for someone to never take the blame, it is also toxic blaming yourself for everything, and deep down, I think you know that. Step by step, we can learn the differencebetween these sides of the same coin, and place the blame or responsibility where it belongs.

Sherrie Hurd

Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:

https://www.learning-mind.com/blaming-yourself-everything-stop/

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