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Domingo, 19 de Abril de 2020

When Everything Is Falling Apart, Remember 6 Sobering Truths.

When Everything Is Falling Apart, Remember 6 Sobering Truths.

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

April 18th, 2020

 

Never have our lives been so unusual. We are truly living in unprecedented times and honestly, it feels a little like everything is falling apart. We’ve lost our jobs, our incomes, and our security. Our friends and family are being forced to stay away. Nothing feels all that great right now.
Still, inside the darkness, there is light. When everything is falling apart, there are still things that should bring you back to reality. It’s not misguided positivity, it’s sobering truths that we should hold close when our hardship starts to feel like too much to handle.

6 Things to Remember When Everything Is Falling Apart

1. Pain Is Temporary

I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been through something difficult in our lives. I doubt there are many among us who have lived perfect, easy lives. We’ve all faced hardship before, and we all know that pain is temporary.
When everything is falling apart, it can be easy to give up and assume things will be this way forever. In these surreal times of a global pandemic, it seems like we’ve got no evidence to fall back on, but we do. Every hard phase has come to an end eventually.
Every time you thought life would never get better, it did. When you find yourself spiraling, as we all do at times, bring yourself back with this one sobering truth – pain doesn’t last forever.

2. Worrying Doesn’t Solve Anything

Worrying has been proven time and time again to be terrible for your health. It increases your risk of countless illnesses, including heart conditions, cancer, and stroke. It’s also bad for your immune system, and in times like these when we’re all trying to be as healthy as possible, worrying will never help.
Letting your mind run free with fear won’t fix the current crisis or any others. You can’t worry the world better. No amount of “planning” or “understanding”, as we anxious folk convince ourselves we’re doing, will make a dangerous virus go away any sooner or be any less deadly.
Instead of dwelling on the idea that everything is falling apart, focus on what you can do to keep it together. You could consider donating to charities, or volunteering. Remember that by staying home, you are helping. You don’t need to worry if you’re already you’re doing exactly what needs to be done to fix the world.

3. Without Hard Times, We Don’t Appreciate the Good Times

We might be experiencing an extreme example right now, but it’s working. Never have I been more grateful for the people I love, and the little moments of joy we get each day. I also know I’ll be more appreciative of the freedom and moments of social non-distancing we get when all of this is over.
If you live a totally undisturbed life, you might not feel much appreciation for the best times, because they aren’t much different from the worst. Now, when it seems that everything is falling apart, we’re truly grateful for what we still have, and what we can’t wait to get back.
As the saying goes, you only know what you’ve got when it’s gone.

4. Slow and Steady Wins the Race

No matter how much we wish it, we can’t speed this one along. At times, this process feels incredibly slow. We don’t have an end date in sight, and we all know how slowly time passes when we’re stuck at home.
If you feel that everything is falling apart, your first instinct is to fix it as soon as possible. We want the problem solved and we don’t care how we get there. But we don’t get that choice right now. This isn’t something we can rush through. In fact, the more we try to rush this by forcing normality before it’s time, the longer we’ll have to wait.
If we have no choice but to wait it out, then there’s no better time to practice patience. We get wrapped up in modern life so often that we rarely have to wait for anything. Take this opportunity to learn a skill most of us, myself included, don’t have. The world might be a little nicer if we all emerge from this with more patience.

5. Kindness Doesn’t Cost A Thing

In this time of darkness, when it seems that everything is falling apart, there is one thing always left – kindness. We are suffering now, globally. There’s no skirting around it, global pandemics really suck. We feel as though we’ve lost everything, but we haven’t. We haven’t lost each other.
Kindness keeps us moving, gives us strength and brings us closer. Being nice to others in this difficult time makes a huge difference. During your moments outside, exchange a smile with a fellow exerciser. Greet neighbors when you pass them (at a distance). You’d be surprised how much these minor interactions could change someone’s day. Be gentle and respectful of others, especially those who are still having to work.
The kinder you are on the outside, the kinder you’ll be to yourself too. Nothing is better for your self-esteem than making others happy.

6. Challenges Help Us Grow

Unprecedented times teach us things we would never have had the opportunity to learn before. We may have gone our whole lives never learning how to entertain ourselves. We could never have had this time to learn new hobbies, or really get to know ourselves.
They say you grow through what you go through, and that couldn’t be truer now. I like to think that when this whole thing is over, we’ll all emerge like butterflies. Harrier, less manicured butterflies, but butterflies nonetheless.
Right now, by doing absolutely nothing, you’re developing skills you could have lived your entire life without. Of course, we’re growing patience, and we’re also growing resilience. In the future, when life inevitably gets chaotic again (though hopefully not in the same way) you’ll be ready to face it head-on, knowing you’ve faced serious hardship already. The minor troubles that might have set off a spiral before won’t phase us anymore.
We’ve been learning to be gentle with ourselves and others. We’ve learned to be happy with the little victories and accepting of the losses. Awful things are happening all over the world, and as everything feels like it’s falling apart, we’re developing strength like never before.

After All, Everything Isn’t Falling Apart

Before you let your thoughts of hopelessness drag you down, remember that some important facts of life, the sobering truths, will never change. Everything isn’t falling apart, no matter how close it might feel. Gratitude is what will hold us together.
I know it sounds mad, but enjoy this time. Embrace the people around you, whether it’s family or friends at home, or neighbors you pass on a daily walk. Embrace the time for yourself, to get to know you. This will end and we will get back to normal, and maybe we’ll all be better people when we do, but until then remember things aren’t always as broken as they seem.
 
 
 
 

 

Becky Storey
 

 



 

About the Author: Becky Storey
 
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
 
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 


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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
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Quinta-feira, 16 de Abril de 2020

How Defensive Pessimism Can Help You Cope with Anxiety

 

How Defensive Pessimism Can Help You Cope with Anxiety

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted April 15th, 2020.

 
 
 

 

Stop telling people that everything is going to be fine. Sometimes it isn’t, and this is where defensive pessimism helps us cope with that fact.
Not everything in the world goes according to plan. Some things go terribly wrong. For optimists, this can be devastating. You see, optimistic people, while their happiness is usually pretty healthy, sometimes do not account for what can go wrong. With the use of defensive pessimism, individuals can accept bad outcomes.
How does defensive pessimism work?
When I speak of a defensive type of pessimism, I don’t mean you’re getting offended and being negative. No, I’m talking about using your thoughts to plan a defense against the pain of bad outcomes.
It’s like that old saying goes, ‘plan for the worst, but hope for the best’. You see, that’s what your defense is all about. When it comes to anxiety, being defensively pessimistic is actually much better than trying to be optimistic all the time.

How to use defensive pessimism to calm your anxieties:

1. Utilizing strategy

While positive thinking helps you stay upbeat and hopeful, defensive pessimism works those strategy muscles. When you play chess, you don’t think one move ahead, but three, four or even five moves…strategy.
Some even think further ahead than that. Strategies in pessimism help us to understand that we do need to appreciate the now, but we can also plan ahead in case our opposition, the world, throws us a surprise.

2. Preparations expert

When you use pessimism to your advantage instead of letting it become overwhelming, you learn how to make logical preparations. It’s kind of like being realistic about life and knowing what tools to have for both good and bad outcomes.
This doesn’t just apply to surprises, it can apply to anything negative that plagues you or could become a problem. If you are prepared, negative issues will only be a small bump in the road. A prime example lies in retaining what’s called “Plan B”. You’ve heard me talk about it a few times, I believe.

3. Past experiences drive intellect

A defensive pessimist is often pushed by negative past experiences. These traumatic events cause many problems for them later in life, but it also grows a strong human being. These individuals rarely use optimistic strategies to combat life’s problems. They understand that “Just stay positive” doesn’t solve problems, and doesn’t keep them away.
Instead, they think of all the possible scenarios of most any given situation, just short of letting it overtake them. They know when to stop, and keep stress at bay, replacing that worry with those strategic plans that I mentioned above.
4. Using all your abilities
When you are defensively pessimistic, you tend to utilize hidden abilities. Optimists may never use these abilities because they tend to ward of concern and worry completely, depending on everything going the way it’s supposed to.
When you properly use your defenses however, you use all the abilities you’ve earned in life, plus the gifts you were born with to make sure you have that safety net. When things go south, you have a basket full of options to choose from. Yes, you’re prepared, and having many powerful abilities just adds even more to your preparations for “Plan B”.

5. Controls and tames anxiety

So, we come to the main reason why defensive pessimism is also a good mindset. When you have anxiety, and everyone is trying to make you stay positive, your levels of panic actually rise. This happens due to the pressure of thinking all good thoughts. It leaves you unprepared for what could happen. While it might not be all that good to constantly dwell on bad things, it’s also not good to assume everything will be rainbows and butterflies all the time.
Being defensive allows you to work through scenarios in your head and gives you the chance to tame your anxiety by coming up with solutions you may possibly need later. Controlling anxiety means staying in control of your life.
Optimism actually doesn’t give you all that much control at all. It just means “Stay happy, believe in good things, and never think the worst”. While this sounds all good and wonderful, it can be extremely dangerous to some.

Balancing between pessimism and optimism

I’ve been pessimistic many times in life, even to the point of being too dark. I have tried being optimistic, and that worked for a while, but only a while. So, defensive pessimism has actually become a way of life for me.
I do prepare for the worst and hope for the best, most of the time. While I don’t know the whole truth about how healthy this is, I believe it can’t be any worse than turning a blind eye to problems and assuming life will always turn out great. I would be fooling you and me both.
I do, however, think defensive pessimism is worth a try. Planning for the pitfalls of the future can really allow you to exercise strategy, gathering preparations and bracing for negative impacts. Either way, striking a good balance between dark and light in this manner is well worth a try.
What do you think?
References:
  1. https://sites.psu.edu
  2. https://health.usnews.com

 

Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 00:55
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Quinta-feira, 9 de Abril de 2020

Why You Are Feeling Sorry for Yourself and How to Stop

 

Why You Are Feeling Sorry for Yourself and How to Stop

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted April 8th, 2020.

 
 
 

 

You’ve probably moped around feeling sorry for yourself before. There are ways to stop this and cultivate a more positive attitude.
Yes, I am familiar with self-pity, and I bet you are too. But feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t get you far in life. It robs you of the time you can use to be productive and change things. No, the world isn’t fair, and bad things happen sometimes, but mulling around in self-negativity doesn’t help.
Are you feeling sorry for yourself?
Quick, take your mental temperature. Are you wallowing in self-pity? There are ways to tell if you are. If you’ve lost all passion for the things you love or talk constantly about your misfortune, you might be feeling sorry for your life and yourself. Would you like to know how to stop doing this? I thought you would.

How to stop the train of pity?

1. Accept the pity

I know this might sound counteractive, but just listen. It is okay to feel sorry for yourself for a little while. I know I might be going a little against the title in this post, but you will understand if you read on. What’s most concerning, is staying in self-pity for too long.
So, allow yourself to feel those negative feelings, every single emotion, but then agree to let them go after a certain period of time. Just don’t hold onto negativity for too long. Letting self-pity go will help you eventually feel less and less sorry for yourself in time.

2. Help someone

Helping other people always gets us out of our own head and into the concerns of friends, family, and even some strangers. The more you get out of your head, the better the perspective on what’s happening in your life that hurts. Of course, you should tackle your problems after helping someone else. Keep those things separated.
For example: Help someone move, listen to someone else’s problems or offer to babysit. Trust me, all these things will make you stop thinking negatively about yourself so much. You will see what other people are going through. Plus, it’s just right to help others anyway.

3. Change your focus

No matter what’s happened in your life to make you feel sorry for yourself, there are many things good about you. There are things that people see in you that you may not even see in yourself. However, if you focus on things that don’t revolve around self-pity, you may be able to grow a more positive outlook.
Try focusing on what you have instead of what you don’t have. So, you might not own a house, but you rent a decent one that keeps you safe and warm. You might not have a new car, but the one you have gets you where you need to go. Change how you see things, and self-pity will fade.

4. Stop giving up, and start breaking boundaries

When I say boundaries, I don’t mean the positive ones you’ve set for you and your life. I’m talking about the limitations that people place on you in society.
If you’re trying to become a doctor, and people keep telling you that you’re not cut out for it, do you back down and accept what they say? Of course, you don’t because this makes you start feeling sorry for yourself. So, if you want to be a doctor, start climbing on the bumps of criticism that everyone keeps throwing in front of you. When you refuse to give up, pity cannot survive.

5. Stay away from the 3 P’s

There are three thought processes that keep us locked in feeling pity. These mindsets are personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence.
With personalization, we tend to think that our situation is our fault alone. We blame ourselves and dwell on what we could have done differently. With pervasiveness, we assume that a traumatic event will affect all areas of our lives, and this is not true. And permanence makes us think that bad things will last forever.
These three lies must be thrown out in order to stop feeling sorry about our situations.

6. Think about your future

Yes, it’s great to live in the present, I encourage that. The thing is, you need to take a quick look at how your future could be if you continue to feel sorry for yourself. You see, self-pity is stressful, and it can take years off your life.
So, ask yourself if what you’re feeling bad about will matter in the next 5 years. If you don’t think it will, then start to let it go before it makes you sick. Remember, mental and physical health are connected and influence each other both ways. Keep your future in sight, just a bit of it, and maybe this will help you retain hope instead of pity.

So, let’s stop feeling sorry for us

When I say us, it means I sometimes suffer from the trap of self-pity myself. So, you’re not alone. It’s not all that difficult to do, especially when your life has been a series of letdowns and traumatic events. But you see, you cannot let those things define you, and when you feel sorry for yourself, that’s what happens.
I hope this helped you do a bit of positive thinking, and most of all, I hope it gave you the strength to stand in the face of adversity. I’m working on it myself, and so we’re doing it together.
I wish you well.
References:
  1. https://www.forbes.com
  2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

 

 
Sherrie Hurd

 

 

Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

 

 


Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from: 
 
Archives:
 

 
No religious or political creed is advocated here.

 Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

 Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

 Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind. 

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone. 
Please respect all credits.

 
Discernment is recommended.
 

All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility. 
 
 

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publicado por achama às 01:56
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Segunda-feira, 10 de Junho de 2019

How to Practice Self-Forgiveness When You Are Too Hard on Yourself ~ Sherrie.

How to Practice Self-Forgiveness When You Are Too Hard on Yourself.

By Sherrie.

June 9th, 2019

 

We must forgive others and sometimes we must practice self-forgiveness. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes.
Feeling bad for doing something wrong is normal. We should seek forgiveness when we’ve made mistakes or even been purposely cruel in the past.
However, dragging yourself through the mud for a long time after your regrets is not healthy. Self-forgiveness allows us to move on and learn how to be better people.

Have you been too hard on yourself?

When you mess up or make a mistake, how many times do you apologize? One apology, made in the right wayis enough to show you’re sorry for your actions.
When you apologize over and over, it doesn’t mean you’re any more or less sorry than with one heartfelt repentance. Sometimes groveling only makes some people use you and abuse your feelings. Try to remember that.

How can we practice self-forgiveness and self-love?

Some people can forgive themselves and be done with it, and some people get stuck in condemnation. I am sometimes those people. Lol
So, in order to practice self-forgiveness, we must sometimes first practice a few self-love tips. Here are some of the best.

1. An Inner dialogue on paper

When you have trouble forgiving yourself for something, you can try this: Write down how you’re feeling and take notice of the language you use when writing. Is your language positive? Well, probably not. But, you can use a positive outlook when talking to yourself about forgiveness.
Now, write down your good points. This includes your talents and strengths – basically, it’s all the things you like about yourself. Be honest. Do not describe yourself according to your shortcomings.
Write about the person you are separate from the mistakes you have made. This will help you gain perspective on your way to self-forgiveness.

2. Compassion

Just as you would show compassion toward someone else who made a mistake, and I hope you would, you must also use compassion with yourself.
You deserve a break because the world can be harsh, and no one is perfect. So, everyone needs compassion to try again. Even you need love to give it another shot.

3. Roleplay

Here’s an interesting way to forgive yourself. If you’re really being exceptionally hard on yourself, ask a friend to role play with you. Let your friend be you and take on the mistake that you made.
Now, pretend you are supposed to forgive them for what they’ve done, which is what you’ve done. I’m willing to bet that you will forgive them pretty easily.
Now, take your identity back and forgive yourself. At this point, you should be in a place where you can see your mistake as just a mistake, whether large or small.
You can move on with less guilt and condemnation than before. Thank your friend for the help and embrace the growth you’ve just gained.

4. Put the issue on hold

Even though the mistake may be bad, sometimes you have to put what you’ve done on holduntil you can process it correctly. It is okay to take it and store it in a mental box until later.
Now, as you’ve moved away from the mistake for a while, do things you enjoy and think better of yourself. When you feel strong enough, you can open the box and deal with what you’ve done. It’s usually easier to forgive yourself when you’ve done this.

5. Speak it

Words have so much power, both negative and positive. With some people, speaking aloud what they’ve done helps. This can lighten mental burdens and also help you see where you went wrong.
If you’ve hurt someone, you can see how and why you actually hurt them and the impact it had on their lives when you say what you’ve done.
In that process, you can find ways to heal from what you’ve done, and embrace self-forgiveness. If you’re feeling bad, just talk out loud to yourself or even to a friend.

6. See mistakes as learning

We all make mistakes from time to time. Like I said before, they can be large or small, doesn’t matter. When we make mistakes, we learn many things.
So, if you can see and feel what you’ve learned after doing wrong, you are making great progress. Forgiving yourself allows you to become a better you instead of wallowing in your sorrows.
This is unhealthy and doesn’t change anything that happened before. What’s done is done, and all you can do is try harder to be better.

Never be too hard on yourself

Self-forgiveness is necessary for living a full life. We will make so many mistakes that we will become accustomed to being flawed individuals. This is not to say we should do negative things and be proud of them, on the contrary.
We should always strive to be the kind and honorable in all situations. But if we fail, we should never be too hard on ourselves in an attempt to make things right. We must make amends and move on. It’s really the only way to truly practice self-forgiveness.
Have you forgiven yourself?
References:
  1. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu
  2. https://www.psychologytoday.com

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
About the Author: Sherrie

Sherrie is a freelance writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse. She is a mother of three and a lifetime fan of the thought-provoking and questionable aspects of the universe.

COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
 

 


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