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Quando o Poder do Amor superar o Amor pelo Poder, o mundo conhecerá a Paz; Jimi Hendrix.
Sexta-feira, 15 de Maio de 2020
How the Law of Reciprocity Works and Practical Ways to Use It
How the Law of Reciprocity Works and Practical Ways to Use It
Jamie Logie, B. Sc.
learning-mind.com
May 15th, 2020 .
.The law of reciprocity is all about an action being rewarded with another action in return. But how does this all work exactly, and how do you best use it to benefit your life and the lives of others?
This law is all about spreading to good between us all, and it’s something that more people need to practice. This article will look at how the law of reciprocity works, and some practical ways that you can use it.
What Is the Law of Reciprocity?
The simplest way to look at the law of reciprocity is that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The problem is, this sometimes can take on an ugly form with people only making gestures to get something in return.
This is often used by salespeople who generally have no interest in your betterment and are only out for themselves. They will often give out something for free so the other person feels an obligation to return the favor, which is based around buying a specific product.
We want to ignore this particular aspect that is more about persuasion than it is reciprocity. Instead, we want to focus on reciprocity to spread more joy, support, and caring among one another. This is a law that will usually trigger a positive reaction in another person. When you do even the simplest, kindest gesture, it generally triggers the desire in the person to act similarly.
Reciprocity is about the sense of obligation to return the favor. That may sound like a burden, but we are talking about small, intimate gestures that go a long way in helping us all feel better about ourselves. The act of giving goes a long way in instilling a positive impression in the mind of the other person. And that’s what this is all about; creating as many positive experiences as we possibly can.
What Are Some Ways We Use the Law of Reciprocity Every Day?
You are probably using this law every day, and not even realizing it. A basic example is the idea of a simple smile. When we smile at someone, the other person will usually smile back. Your action is you giving the smile, and the reaction is them returning the smile to you. This is one of the most practical, simple, but still effective ways to practice the law of reciprocity.
We do not understand what other people are going through, and even though they walk around carrying a brave face, they could be suffering on the inside. It’s incredibly powerful what the simple act of a smile can do to another human being and – even for just a moment – it will lift their spirits. That act is returned to you, also causing you a boost in endorphins and a sense of happiness.
This is, of course, the most basic example of this law – but you can see how powerful it really is. Now, you want to continue to put this law into practice as much as possible. What are some other practical ways to use the law of reciprocity?
1. Creating a More Harmonious Home Environment
If things are a bit chaotic in your home, it may seem easier to blow your top than to deal with disastrous situations. Say that you come from work only to discover a mess all around the house. You’re trying to remain calm, but then one of your kids comes running through and knocks a dish off the table, causing it to break. Your child is in near hysterics, and this could end in a total breakdown for everyone, or you could use the law of reciprocity.
It’s not always easy, but in this situation, it would involve not losing your temper and instead, comforting and hugging your child. This would not be the reaction they were expecting while also expecting to be forced to clean it up. Tell your child to go and do something else while you clean it up. It’s not unlikely to find a child resorting to a more peaceful and apologetic situation as they’ve seen the gentle approach you’ve taken and are responding in kind.
By yelling and punishing, you would probably get a similar response. By taking a gentler approach, you allow for inner peace to be created instead of a harsh situation. This is not the easiest thing, but if we do this on a daily level, you will get more positive reactions instead of strife, fear, and anguish.
2. Repay Things as Soon as You Can
This isn’t specifically related to money, but it still applies. One of the most practical ways you can use reciprocity is by returning favors and gestures as soon as you can – even if it’s something small. When you don’t, people can often think you are taking advantage, and that’s the opposite intentions we should go for.
With close friends and family, you may have a little more leeway in the length of time you take to pay someone back because there is a closer intimacy. With people like coworkers or associates, you’ll want to repay them as soon as possible for the reciprocity to work its best.
3. Helping Out A Stranger
We’ve discussed reciprocity with people we are in close contact with, but what does this look like in the outside world with people you don’t know? It’s all about creating the best environment you can in whatever situation you find yourself in. And this can be as simple as holding a door open for a stranger. If it’s an entrance with more than one door, you can be pretty certain they will make sure to hold the next door open for you.
Again, these are small gestures, but reciprocity working like this creates a better sense of community and connection between the people living in it.
Final Thoughts
We all want to live in the most supportive and encouraging society possible. This isn’t always going to be possible, but by practicing the law of reciprocity, we can create the closest semblance to an ideal living situation.
Reciprocity all comes down to being the change you wish to see in the world. If you want joy, kindness, and compassion, it starts with giving it to others. When you do this, you allow it to find its way back to you.
References:
About the Author: Jamie Logie, B.Sc.
Jamie Logie is a certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. He holds a bachelor of science (B.Sc.) degree in Kinesiology from the University of Western Ontario, studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".
COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
Archives:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=Jamie+Logie
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=jamie+logie
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
Domingo, 3 de Maio de 2020
8 Types of Listening and How to Recognize Each
.Just as there are many forms of communication, there are different types of listening, and it’s important to recognize each of them.
When we talk about people who are good communicators, it’s mainly that they are good listeners. The ability to actively listen to another person is one of the most valuable traits a person can have. Nothing is more frustrating for a person trying to share how they are feeling than to constantly be interrupted. The person who has the ability to listen is the person who can be most helpful.
Good listeners are empathetic, compassionate, and caring, and this goes a long way with building connections to others. But the fact is, there are several types of listening, and each is important in its own way. This article will look at 8 different listening types and how to recognize them.
How Are the Different Types of Listening Defined?
Most of this work goes back a few decades to the works of Andrew D. Wolvin and Carolyn Coakley. The best way to picture these ideas is with the symbol of a tree. Some forms of listening are more foundational while some are higher-level styles of learning. The base of the tree will make up the foundational type of listening, and that’s where we’ll start.
Basic Types of Listening
1. Discriminative Listening
This is a basic type of listening. It’s the type that simply determines what the sound you are listening to is. When you’re hearing various sounds and trying to decipher what a specific sound is, that’s discriminate listening. We use this type of listening all the time, but often it’s to show if what we are hearing is familiar or not. If you’re out in a crowded place and hear someone talking in a different language, you recognize it as language but aren’t yet sure if it’s familiar to you.
Another great example of why discriminative listening is important is it helps you to focus on a specific sound while dismissing other ones. This is handy if you’re driving a car full of loud people but hear a bad noise coming from the engine. This form of listening allows you to zero in on specific sounds.
So you now know what you’re listening to, what is the next type?
2. Comprehensive Listening
Comprehensive listening would be higher up on the trunk if we are using our tree example. This is a higher order of listening than discriminative listening. With listening of this type, we are now listening so we may understand. You would most often use this type of listening when you are in a classroom or lecture and you are trying to understand the message that someone is relaying to you.
This is another basic form of listening, and the goal of it is to simply understand. You can see how – even though these first two are simple – there is a big jump between discriminative and comprehensive listening. This is the difference between paying attention and really hearing what a person is saying to you instead of hearing them – but tuning them out. It can be quite easy to recognize when someone is actively listening to you compared to their eyes being glazed over, not taking anything in.
Higher Types of Listening
So with the root forms understood now, we move into the higher types of listening, and that brings us to:
3. Appreciative Listening
This is where you’re listening deeper and appreciate the sounds, and the best example of this is with music. There is a difference between having music on as background noise and truly experiencing the sounds you are hearing. This is why we can get real enjoyment from music, but it happens best when you focus on it. It can be any style, the main thing is the appreciation you have for it and what resonates with you. This could be classical music or death metal, the point is that it connects with you and you feel it. You hear the changes in sounds, instruments, and movements being used as opposed to it just sounding like a bunch of noise.
This is a valuable form of listening as it allows for joy in your life. Music can lift the soul and spirit, and this acts as a reward for appreciative listening.
4. Therapeutic Listening
We are continuing to move higher up the tree. This also may be one of the most valuable forms of listening – especially when it pertains to helping others. With therapeutic listening, we are listening intending to help someone. This is one of the types of listening to help someone work through an issue, deal with a problem, and work through different emotions. The best way to look at this is as a genuine therapy session. This is all about empathy and understanding of what another person is going through.
This listening is not just limited to therapists and friends and family helping each other, though. This is an important listening type used by managers, bosses, trainers, and even coaches to help employees learn and develop. As mentioned, it’s easy to recognize this way of listening as the other person is working with you and trying to help.
5. Critical Listening
Now we are getting up to the higher levels of listening and to the very top of the tree. This ends up being a very important style of listening as it helps you to wade through vast amounts of information. An easy way to think of critical listening is when it comes to things like politics, research, science, or different type of reports. We can recognize critical listening when you ask questions like:
- Is this valid?
- Are they making a genuine argument?
- Are they using information that makes sense?
- Am I getting to hear both sides of the story?
- Am I getting presented with all the facts?
This form of listening is more than just understanding but is about analyzing the message we are hearing. This is important to be able to protect ourselves from false or harmful information. Critical listening is about hearing arguments, thoughts, and ideas, but analyzing all the information.
Negative Types of Listening
These are the 5 main types of listening, but there are a few more worth looking at:
6. Passive Listening
Most people aren’t sure if they are a good or bad listener, but it’s easy to tell with passive listening. A passive listener just does not have the ability to listen. They seem disinterested, constantly interrupt, or don’t keep eye contact when engaging with you. They may constantly check their phone or look to be distracted in any way.
7. Competitive Listeners
Whereas the passive listener isn’t good at listening, competitive listening may be worse. Listening of this type is definitely active listening, but only so they may jump in with their own take. Whatever you say, they try to one-up it. You’ve probably encountered this many times when telling a story and the other person brings in their own anecdotes and experiences trying to outdo you.
8. Combative Listening
This is like the competitive listener, but this time, they’re just looking for some form of confrontation. They want to argue just for the sake of arguing. They are actively listening to what you have to say, but only to challenge and combat you on it. They would rather disagree than hear you and understand what you’re trying to say.
Final Thoughts
Listening is an invaluable skill. The best communicators turn out to be that way because they are the best listeners. It turns out that listening is not as simple as it seems and there are many types of listening. By looking through this list, you can see the many types, what purpose they serve, and how to recognize them.
The goal is to be able to hear and understand someone, but engage when the time is right. Most people today feel misunderstood and unheard, so being a person who truly hears them can go a long way in helping and healing others.
References:
About the Author: Jamie Logie, B.Sc.
Jamie Logie is a certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. He holds a bachelor of science (B.Sc.) degree in Kinesiology from the University of Western Ontario, studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".
COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=Jamie+Logie
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=jamie+logie
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
Sábado, 2 de Maio de 2020
5 Signs of a False Twin Flame and Differences from a Real One
5 Signs of a False Twin Flame and Differences from a Real One
Becky Storey.
https://www.learning-mind.com/
May 1st, 2020
.Finding your twin flame, or soulmate, is a lifelong dream for some. We’re told fantasies about meeting our other half and finally feeling complete. The idea that there might be someone out there who matches us perfectly is the stuff of fairy tales at times, but that doesn’t mean it’s imaginary. Many people honestly believe that we all have a twin flame somewhere in this world, and with that comes its darker side. We may also have a false twin flame, ready to capture our attention for all the wrong reasons.
What Is A False Twin Flame?
The idea of twin flames originated as far back as Plato and the Ancient Greeks. The story goes that the first humans had two heads, four arms, and four legs, but the Gods were intimidated by this. They chose to split them in two to prevent them from being too powerful. Your twin flame is thought to be the other half of your soul that you were meant to have, hence the magnetic connection.
It is important to note that a twin flame does not have to be a romantic interest. Many people have found their twin flame in a best friend or even a relative.
A false twin flame appears as very similar to a true twin flame. They may initially provide exactly what you felt you needed, but they aren’t destined to be with you in the long term. The connection may feel magnetic, and you feel similar in every way you’d hope. Consider the false twin flame to be the shadow, almost identical to the true twin flame but with a darker purpose.
False twin flames aren’t all bad. They may help us to ultimately identify what we require in a true twin flame, but first, they might put us through some trying times.
Signs of a False Twin Flame
1. Their Commitment Waivers
Due to the lack of any true connection, a false twin flame won’t be very committed to you. You’ll think they’re “the one” and turn to them in times of need, but they won’t be there to help. When times get hard, they’ll pull away or even leave altogether.
Even in the good times, with a false twin flame, you’ll be worried they aren’t really in it for the long term. Their commitment will feel shallow. Every disagreement will bring up the possibility of ending your relationship.
2. They Come into Your Life at The Wrong Time
A false twin flame will come into your life at a time when you feel lost and confused about your next moves. When they appear to you, you’ll think they’re some kind of miracle. It will seem as if they had been sent to you to change your life. In some way, they will change you, but not in the way you hope.
During your most difficult times, false twin flames appear in order to teach us to look inwards. During fights, hardship, and the inevitable end, you will learn an awful lot about yourself. A true twin flame arrives when you aren’t looking for help and teaches you how to utilize what the false twin flame taught you.
3. They Lie About Your Exclusivity
A false twin flame will make you feel like you’re the whole world to them. The false deep feelings you develop for each other will make your connection seem unique. They will make false promises about you being the last person they ever feel this way about and tell lies about how you are the first.
Eventually, you’ll come to learn that there are others they treated just the same as you, or you’ll see that they moved on very quickly once your time together comes to an end. If you meet a true twin flame, nothing and no one will compare to the connection you share. You will be unique and special to them, and they will be the same for you.
4. They Are Threatened by You
A false twin flame, just like a true one, will be very similar to you. You will share goals and personality traits that mean you’re striving for similar things for your lives. The difference lies in how each flame reacts to your success.
False twin flames will be jealous and feel threatened by how successful you are because they want it to themselves. They will be furious to live in your shadow. True twin flames want to see you thrive.
5. They Are Emotionally Unavailable
A twin flame connection is one that is deeply emotional and spiritual. You should feel like you know this person on every level. A false twin flame won’t give you this impression. They will be closed off to emotional conversations and deep sharing. They’ll do everything they can to avoid being vulnerable with you.
A false twin flame will have you feeling unsettled. You’ll be unsure of how they’ll react to serious moments, and you won’t feel secure that they’ll be there for you when times are hard.
Key Differences Between a False Twin Flame and a Real Twin Flame
They Will Be Totally Committed
In total contrast to a false twin flame, a true one will always be committed. They will withstand every hardship because your connection is worth it. They will feel the same deep connection that you do, and they will choose to preserve it above all else.
You will feel complete certainty with this person. They won’t leave you questioning the strength of your relationship, you’ll know exactly where you stand. Their commitment and just how special you are to them will be obvious from the start.
Their Purpose in Your Life Will Be Clear
A false twin flame comes with no clear purpose. They come to teach us about ourselves, but we might not know what that is until it’s over. A real twin flame begins teaching us from the moment we meet them, and their purpose with us is clear. They help with our personal growth, and you’ll feel this from day one.
They also serve the purpose of encouraging us to grow. Real twin flames, genuinely want to see us excel at whatever we choose to do, unlike a false twin flame.
Keep your heart open for whatever kind of twin flame is on its way. A false twin flame may seem like a bump in the road, but they come to us when we need teaching, not when we need to settle down. It’s good to be aware of the signs, but there is no need to fear a false twin flame. If one crosses your path, it’s there for a reason.
References:
Becky Storey
About the Author: Becky Storey
Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=Becky+Storey
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=becky+storey
A Trusty with Privacy Search
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
Quarta-feira, 22 de Abril de 2020
7 Signs of People Who Lack Empathy and Examples of Their Behavior
7 Signs of People Who Lack Empathy and Examples of Their Behavior
Lauren Edwards-Fowle,
M.Sc. & B.Sc.
learning-mind.com
Posted March 21st, 2020.
.A lack of empathy makes it hard to engage in a meaningful relationship with a person. Being empathetic is an innate human quality, whereby we can appreciate the feelings of other people, regardless of whether those feelings also affect us. What about those who lack empathy?
Why do some people lack empathy?
Being unable to show empathy is often linked to low emotional intelligence. This means that if someone in your life seems unable to relate to how you are feeling, it might not be deliberate.
Having low emotional intelligence means that a person does not have the resources to be able to grasp feelings outside of the spectrum of their own experience. This is similar to a very young child, who has not yet reached emotional maturity. They are the center of their universe and do not feel a response when somebody else is emotional.
In other cases, having little or no empathy can be a trait of a narcissistic person or somebody suffering from an anti-social behavior condition.
Signs of people who lack empathy and examples of their behavior in everyday life:
1. Lack of close relationships
Someone unable to relate to others will find it very difficult to establish long-term relationships. They may have no or very few friends and struggle to maintain a bond even with their immediate family members. This is because a lack of empathy extends to everybody. Thus, they might not feel the emotional bond or familial connection that most of us experience.
Have you ever had a colleague who doesn’t ever contribute to a birthday collection, or won’t bother to sign a card for a sick colleague? They probably don’t see why they should inconvenience themselves with the concerns of other people.
2. Unusual responses to grief
Having no empathy can show through in times of distress. If you have suffered a bereavement, and somebody in your life does not seem interested or offer any kind of condolences, they probably cannot relate to your grief.
As an example, if you have lost a pet that you loved very much, most people will feel sorry for you and understand the sadness and sense of loss you will be feeling. A person without any empathy will not understand why you are upset, and might even make unkind comments.
3. An inability to share in others’ happiness
Here is another example of a behavior that is typical for a person who lacks empathy. If you have had a baby, celebrated graduating, or become engaged, your friends, colleagues, and family will be delighted for you! If there is somebody who doesn’t seem particularly interested or has not offered any congratulations, they may lack the empathy to appreciate your happiness.
It is a sad by-product that someone experiencing this is unable to share in others’ joy. It works in a similar way to being unable to relate to grief.
4. A strong set of irrefutable personal beliefs
An individual who cannot relate to emotions often has a very firm stance on their own beliefs. Thus, they will find it extremely difficult to accept in any situation that they might be wrong. If you have ever had a conversation with a person who will argue black is white – seemingly for the sake of it – they might simply lack the capacity to relate to your argument.
Lacking any kind of emotional maturity renders a person incapable of reconsidering their ideas, or understanding that they might not be right.
5. Egotistical
With an absence of empathy comes a strong sense of self. A person who cannot empathize will likely be very egotistical, as they prioritize themselves in every situation. People may have an inflated ego for many reasons. However, in case of those with low emotional intelligence, this stems from emotional immaturity.
So an emotionally immature adult will often behave in a childish manner. These kinds of people crave attention all the time, act irresponsibly and are unable to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. This could apply to anything, and some examples of this behavior include pushing in the line at the coffee shop to driving inconsiderately.
6. A sense of entitlement
This trait is particularly noticeable in a group dynamic. A person who lacks empathy will often talk endlessly about him/herself. They will brush off any turn in the conversation that does not center on them. This behavior is known as conversational narcissism, and many people can have it without actually being narcissists.
You may know a few examples of such people in your life. You might notice a friend who will ask continually for favours, without any expectation of returning them. It might be that they simply do not understand why they should invest comparable effort into the relationship, and nor consider how their actions might be making you feel.
7. Reacting awkwardly to emotion
Whilst there are many reasons why people find it hard to know how to respond to emotion, people who can’t make an emotional connection will struggle to react in an appropriate way.
Sometimes, emotional outbursts might be a little over the top, and potentially embarrassing. However, hiding your feelings is never healthy, and a few tears to cope with a stressful situation is an ordinary reaction. People who cannot empathize will not know what to do in this circumstance, and will often try to distance themselves completely.
Life without empathy
It can be just as hard to try and get along with someone who doesn’t seem to care about anything but themselves, as it can be being a person who doesn’t grasp the basic human reaction of empathy.
Not being able to relate to your partner, not understanding why people feel a certain way, and being unable to consider any thought process other than your own is a very isolating way to live.
Try not to take it personally; not everyone has reached emotional maturity, and sadly, some people never will. A lack of empathy is not a reflection on you, or the authenticity of your feelings, but is an unfortunate inability to appreciate them.
References:
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=Lauren+Edwards-Fowle
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=lauren+edwards-fowle
A Trusty with Privacy Search
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: behavior, emotions, empathy, happiness, lauren edwards-fowle, personal beliefs, personality, relationships
Terça-feira, 21 de Abril de 2020
8 Emotional Manipulation Tactics and How to Recognize Them
8 Emotional Manipulation Tactics and How to Recognize Them
Sherrie Hurd, A.A.
learning-mind.com
Posted April 20th, 2020.
.Physical or verbal abuse is easy to recognize because you can see it or hear it. However, emotional manipulation tactics aren’t always obvious.
At some point in our lives, we’ve either witnessed emotional abuse, or we’ve been victims of this heartache. I can attest to being a survivor of a couple of decades of this type of abuse myself. Emotional abuse is hard to see sometimes, and that’s why, in my opinion, it’s one of the worst types of abuse of them all. It also leaves deep scars that only really strong individuals can carry.
Emotional manipulation tactics
Emotional abuse isn’t just a random form of abuse used out of anger or frustration. Not to excuse physical violence or verbal assault, but emotional abuse is sometimes planned and perfected before use. It sounds kind of evil, doesn’t it?
Well, in some cases, it is. In other cases, it comes from a long pattern of abusive behavior through generations. This is why we need to recognize tactics used by emotional abusers to manipulate people, and we need to put a stop to these subtle attacks.
Different tactics used in emotional abuse:
1. Getting close… fast
Individuals who use emotional manipulation tactics tend to act as though they are falling in love with you fast. If it’s not an intimate relationship, they may try to convince you that they are your best friend after only knowing you a short time. So, how does this become abusive?
Well, what happens is they tell you a few really deep things about themselves, and act as if no one else knows this about them. Then they use these secrets to coax information from you! Are you still wondering how this leads to manipulation?
Here’s the thing, what they tell you isn’t all that secret, but your secrets are. They use these things that you tell them to manipulate you, while the things they tell you, many other people already know. You see…it was a trick. Now, they have ammo against you.
2. Twisting facts
Emotional manipulators are experts at twisting facts. If they don’t straight out lie, they will exaggerate, say you said what they said, or simply pretend they never heard you say anything at all. They will lie in creative ways, and push the agenda that something happened in a way that it did not.
Twisting facts, for this type of abuser, is easy for them. They’ve been doing it most of their lives to get what they want and never be responsible.
3. The raised voice distraction
I am familiar with this one, but I only learned about it in the last couple of years. Until last year, I’d never seen a grown man throw a child-like tantrum when caught in the act. Not to give details, but he was using the raised voice distraction and intimidation tactic to get what he wanted… an apology, when he should have been apologizing.
You see, screaming or getting loud is shocking if you’re not used to that sort of behavior in a discussion or confrontation. Emotional manipulators use this tactic when there is nothing else they can use.
It took me a while to recognize what was happening, I stopped apologizing when I wasn’t in the wrong, and I made peace with the fact that he may leave. Truth is, when someone screams, threatens to leave or acts childlike, sometimes it’s best if they leave if they cannot stop. You have to come to terms with this because not only is raising the voice emotional abuse, it’s also verbal abuse as well.
4. Rushing decision making
Okay, this may sound weird, but I also started to catch on to this one lately. Emotional manipulators, when they want to do something they know would upset you, will ask your opinion in a rushed environment.
They will ask you questions as they are walking out the door, or by short text during a work break, or even ask right in the middle of an unrelated conversation. They assume you will just go along with whatever it is because you were caught off guard. Watch out for this seemingly innocent tactic, which is, in fact, emotional manipulation. It’s irritating.
5. Overusing the word “insecure”
No matter what’s bugging you, you must be “insecure”. This is one of the emotional manipulation tactics that drive me crazy. You see, if they are the type to flirt, and you get angry when you see it or find out, they will say you are insecure about getting angry. Here’s a lesson. YOU ARE NOT INSECURE BECAUSE YOU GET ANGRY.
I typed that in all caps so you will understand how important that is to remember. Just because you don’t want certain boundaries crossed by other women or men in your relationship doesn’t mean you are insecure. It means you stick to your morals and standards. And honestly, if they don’t stop using this word, then maybe you don’t need them. I absolutely hate this, and yes, it’s personal.
6. Running out
An emotional manipulator will leave the scene when they realize they haven’t got a chance in winning an argument. They secretly want you to chase after them, and they threaten to leave the relationship too. This is in intimate relationships mostly, of course. They may stay gone a few hours or all night, leaving you worried and nervous.
I think it’s one of the cruelest forms of emotional manipulation. If you’re caught off guard, you will cry and call them over and over trying to get them home. It’s okay, it takes a while to catch on.
Personally, when I decide to leave relationships or friendships, I don’t run out, scream, threaten or anything. I usually just have a nice calm “sit down” and explain that I no longer wish to continue in the relationship anymore. But I think long and hard before making this final decision.
All these theatricals that manipulators use are time wasters and abusive behavior. The next time it happens, try not to be frightened, and maybe even hope they are serious about leaving. You don’t need those games in your life….trust me.
7. Pretending to be dumb
Oh, and adults will pretend to be dumb too. If you tell someone you have boundaries, they will break them, and then say that they never understood exactly what you meant. This releases them from the responsibility of their actions.
They even say they forgot, or try to twist your words about what you did and did not want in a relationship. They play dumb, but you have to be smart, and call them on every single time they try this crap. It’s just one of many tactics of emotional manipulation used by predators. Show them that you know what they are doing.
8. Playing victim
I remember many times laying my standards and boundaries out on the table for the people I loved. I did it in the beginning so they had a chance to run if they wanted to. The problem is, sometimes they agreed to each and every one of the things I held important, only to break them later in the relationship. Then they played the victim when I got angry about broken boundaries and hurts.
You see, unfortunately, some people never plan to respect your boundaries and standards, but they still want to be in a relationship with you. What they do is hope that they can change the way you believe. If you are entering a relationship, please be clear on what you want, and if you both are too different, then just walk away.
Most people don’t change unless they make the decision to do so on their own. If someone is playing victim to you, remind them of the standards and boundaries you set in the beginning, and leave the door open for them if they wish to leave.
Why people who use these emotional manipulation tactics are the worst abusers
Do you know why emotional abuse is worse than any other abuse? It’s because emotional abuse doesn’t harm you physically, it’s more than screaming, and it doesn’t rape you. Emotional abuse goes beyond every muscle and fiber of your being and attacks the essence of who you are.
It makes you question everything. It makes you doubt your worth as well. I would never downplay other forms of abuse because I’ve been through them all, but the emotional abuse makes me angrier than all the others. Once I understand this is happening, I learn not to respond to the call to fight.
You can do this as well. It just takes a little education on the subject and a little practice. Do not let them take away your self-worth, and do not let them make you afraid to be alone. That’s all you need to fight with.
Sending blessings.
Sherrie Hurd
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=sherrie+hurd
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=sherrie+hurd
- Also: https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=sherrie
A Trusty with Privacy Search
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: abuse, behavior, dark personalities, manipulation, mental health, personality, psychology, relationships, sherrie, sherrie h, sherrie hurd
Quinta-feira, 16 de Abril de 2020
Why Emotional Awareness Is Important and How to Build It
Why Emotional Awareness Is Important and How to Build It
Jamie Logie, B. Sc.
learning-mind.com
April 15, 2020 .
.Emotional awareness – or emotional intelligence – will not only connect you better to others but also to yourself.
The ability to be aware of the emotions of others can go a long way in creating better connections. Being able to empathize with another person is at the cornerstone of building real intimacy and connection. The better that you can understand emotional awareness, the better you will then be at understanding and helping others.
Emotional awareness is not just an outward trait but ultimately helps you to get a better understanding of yourself. This article will look at why emotional awareness is important and how to build it.
What Is Emotional Awareness?
We face many problems each day. Many of these problems are internal, and many are based on the relationships we have with others. Being an emotionally aware person allows us to confront the many problems with ourselves – and our relationships – with patience, insight, and imagination.
This is all about becoming more aware. More aware of your emotions, more aware of the emotions of others, and more aware of how to control all these emotions.
This awareness is also considered a form of intelligence. We usually associated intelligence with cognitive function and IQ, but intelligence is also connected to emotion. Intelligence or awareness gives us the ability to successfully navigate around certain challenges. In this case, it’s how you can navigate around various emotional situations.
Why Is Emotional Awareness Important?
Building your emotional awareness will have many positive effects on all aspects of your life. It allows you to lower your levels of social anxiety and makes public situations more bearable. You will develop a higher level of self-esteem – which has a great spillover effect on things like career and success.
Emotional awareness is also important to help control and lower levels of depression. And it creates better relationships with family, friends, and those you spend your time with.
Those with a lack of emotional intelligence find life to be extremely frustrating. They have no control over their feelings and actions, lash out at others, push people away, and feel constant anxiety. We can chalk up most broken relationships to a lack of emotional awareness and intelligence.
It helps to look at a lack of emotional intelligence the same way we would with cognitive intelligence. They both create profound repercussions, but with a lack of emotional intelligence; the effect can be much more long-lasting.
Benefits of Having Emotional Awareness
Those with a strong sense of emotional awareness can identify struggles and pain within other people. They can tap in and see that even though someone appears to be acting fine, deep down they are hurting. They have an intrinsic ability to identify what may cause a person to act a certain way.
Those with no emotional intelligence may easily dismiss an angry person, but the emotionally aware individual will see what may be causing this anger behind the scenes. They can identify sorrow that’s being masked by anger, humor, or denial.
It’s these types of people that make the best healers, teachers, leaders, and mentors. They draw others into them and make everyone around them better.
So, with this in mind, how can you build and develop your own emotional awareness? Let’s look at a few ways…
1. Examine Past Events
Look back on any past events that created certain emotions in you. They may have made you sad, jubilant, angry, frustrated, or hopeless. The important thing here is to look at why this event caused a specific emotional response. What or who caused this event? How was the event different than you expected? Could the consequences of the event have been avoided?
This is an important step for building emotional awareness as it helps you to learn what triggers specific emotions in you.
2. The Power of the Pause
Giving a short pause when speaking helps to give your brain a bit of a breather. Instead of just rambling on constantly, giving a brief pause gives you some space. This helps us to not instantly react, but dwell for a moment and consider the different options.
The idea is to create a pause in your own mind and thinking when confronted with an emotion. What usually happens is we experience a feeling and then want to react right away whether it be anger, sadness, or even a physical lashing out. When you focus on taking a pause after experiencing an emotion, you can better control your response.
The emotionally aware person doesn’t stop themselves from feeling an emotion but pauses to simply observe it. Observation is a strong thing and allows you to become better in tune with yourself and in better control of your feelings.
It’s important to remember that emotions change and they are in constant motion. When you learn to observe, and watch your feelings from the perspective of an outsider, the more you will improve your emotional awareness. This is why the pause is so powerful.
3. Increase Your Vocabulary
If you’ve ever seen a frustrated child, you know that a big part of it is because they cannot articulate and verbalize what they are feeling. The same thing happens with those with low emotional awareness.
When you can increase your emotional vocabulary, you become better equipped to express yourself and your feelings. The average person’s emotional vocabulary revolves around simple things like mad, sad, happy, angry, etc.
Mad or angry is often a secondary result of things like frustration, disappointment, or even loss. Being unable to articulate how you truly feel does not create emotional awareness. Identifying a more special emotional vocabulary is an easy way to increase your emotional intelligence.
Here is a progression of a simple word that conveys an emotion but where it can be narrowed down to the true feeling:
- sad –> despair –> powerless
- happy –> proud –> confident
Start to include some of these words to better express yourself, and to help others in verbalizing how they feel:
- frustrated
- irritable
- downtrodden
- anxious
- disillusioned
- devastated
- hesitant
- fulfilled
- hopeful
The more specific your word choice, the better you are at narrowing down how you truly feel. This is genuine emotional awareness.
Final Thoughts
Emotional awareness doesn’t happen overnight. To some people, it comes quite naturally, but others may have to work on it for a while. The main thing is there are some simple tips you can use to build it, and it can always grow and improve.
The better your emotional awareness is, the more emotional strength you can develop. This emotional strength will then allow you to help, inspire, and connect with others.
References:
About the Author: Jamie Logie, B.Sc.
Jamie Logie is a certified personal trainer, nutritionist, and health & wellness specialist. He holds a bachelor of science (B.Sc.) degree in Kinesiology from the University of Western Ontario, studied sociology and psychology at Western University and has a counseling diploma from Heritage Baptist College. He has run a blog and top-rated podcast on iTunes called "Regained Wellness". Jamie is also a contributing writer for places like the Huffington Post, Thrive Global, LifeHack and has an Amazon #1 book called "Taking Back Your Health".
COPYRIGHT © 2020 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=Jamie+Logie
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=jamie+logie
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: emotions, empathy, intelligence, jamie logie, mental health, personal development, psychology, relationships, self-improvement
Sexta-feira, 21 de Fevereiro de 2020
6 Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging and How to Stop This Toxic Behavior.
6 Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging and How to Stop This Toxic Behavior.
Sherrie Hurd.
learning-mind.com
Posted February 20th, 2020.
.Unfortunately, we can sometimes fall into self-sabotaging behavior. There is more than one reason for that.
At the moment, I feel as if I am sabotaging my life. Just when I think everything is okay, another boulder rolls down the hill and flattens me again. But it’s not a real boulder, it just feels like one. You see, at that moment, I lose all desire for the things that used to make me happy. It’s like I’m waiting for the rocks to stop falling. It’s a possibility that will never happen in my present situation. So, I feel stuck, and thus, I am sabotaging my life in the process.
Toxic aspects of self-sabotaging behavior
Procrastination is part of my behavior. I will sit and binge watch television for hours so I don’t have to face the unfairness and disrespect in my life. Instead, I try to ignore it by losing myself in some fake story on the TV. And there are many other things I do, and others do that prove we are sabotaging our lives – we are wasting precious time by letting what others do govern the next move or the next goal. There are many signs that this is true.
Indicators that you are sabotaging your life
1. You’re choosing comfort over change
Maybe it was once a good situation, the life you’re living right now, but things have been revealed, and it’s no longer the life you thought. In fact, it’s almost unbearable. However, it must not be bad enough for you to change it. I heard this saying once, and don’t remember where, but it fits this perfectly.
Once there was a dog that was sitting on a long sharp nail. A man asked the dog’s owner why the dog didn’t get up off the nail. He said it must be painful for him. The owner said, “when it hurts bad enough, he will move”.
That’s what happens to us. Sometimes we refuse to change because we’re not hurting bad enough yet. Eventually, if things don’t get better, the pain will become too much to take. That’s when we may give up the self-sabotaging behavior and get off that nail that’s driving deep within. That’s when we may make a better life for ourselves.
2. Blame is never allocated correctly
When something happens, you tend to either blame yourself when it isn’t your fault and blame others when it is your fault. This might not be the case 100% of the time, but it’s most of the time. Your focus is on “who did it?” and not on “what can we do to fix it?”.
Self-sabotaging behavior not only affects your life, but it also affects other people as well. When children are involved, it’s just confusing for them. After all, you’re trying to teach them the correct way to take responsibility.
3. You always want to fix people
I’ve spent two decades of my life in relationships fixing men. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting and it has taken a huge portion of my youth. It’s as if those years just went poof! right in front of me. I’m not trying to be insulting to anyone, it’s just that, I should have laid out the rules about who I am and then left if my expectations weren’t met.
Did I do that? No. Instead, I thought I could help them, change them, improve their standards in life. That was just so silly, and it still is.
Trying to fix people is like trying to nail jello to the wall. It just doesn’t stick, it doesn’t stay, and it makes a huge mess. Also, when you’re busy trying to fix people, you lose so much time on the things that matter the most, like your children and unconditional people in your life.
4. You’re using others to compare
I work at this all the time. I don’t find it as difficult as being judgemental, actually. Maybe I am too busy judging people to be jealous of them. However, every once in a while, I see happy people and wish I was like that. I see them smiling on social media and hugging loved ones. The picture says that their lives are perfect, but I know that those images are not the full truth.
But every once in a while, I sabotage my feelings when seeing marriages, Valentine’s gifts, and people who seem to have lots in common. I compare those things to the differences in my life, and I catch myself wishing my family was closer. It’s like falling into a trap, and then destroying yourself while you’re in there. It can be ruthless.
5. You magnify the negative
You never fail to notice every single negative thing that happens, but the positive things slip right by so easily. To be fair, many times, the negative things are things that happen over and over no matter how many times you’ve asked for them to stop, or how many times you’ve worked on making it better.
This makes it incredibly hard to see the victories as wins. In response to this, you develop depression and anxiety trying to make things work. You don’t mean to do it, but you sabotage any hope you could have by moving forward.
6. Worrying about what others think
I don’t do this much, but when I do, I make sure I worry incessantly. I guess you might say, I only worry about the things that will affect me personally. No, I don’t worry about what people think of my style or my hobbies, but I do worry about the fact that people probably think I am mean.
I can thank the men trying to manipulate those thoughts in my head. I am introverted, and most of us really don’t care about what others think, but sometimes, we would like to be accepted the way we are, and we sabotage ourselves trying to be something we’re not.
Okay, so, how are we going to stop this?
Well, first of all, we all need some time alone to think. We need to figure out if the place we’re at is our true destination, or are we supposed to make a change. This knowledge may take some time. Like I said about the dog, when it hurts bad enough, you will get up, and get out of the situation.
We should never forget what makes us happy as individuals. This doesn’t include what makes our husbands or wives happy. This is about us and us alone.
We should also make sure to take full responsibility for our actions but refuse to take responsibility for what someone else has done. Don’t let anyone convince you that something they’ve done is your fault. That can be a form of gaslighting. And having a healthy amount of care about how people think of you is okay. It does matter, but not to the point that you have to conform to a dress code or majority standard.
And then remember to be positive once in a while. Even though someone may be driving you crazy with their idiocy, try to see the good in every single moment. If you can’t see good where you’re sitting, leave the room and find it somewhere else.
I hope this has helped you to stop sabotaging your life. As for me, I’m still working on it, and I’m telling you, when I get it worked out, I don’t plan on making these same mistakes. Let’s hope not.
Be blessed.
Sherrie Hurd
Copyright © 2012-2020 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=sherrie+hurd
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=sherrie+hurd
- Also: https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=sherrie
A Trusty with Privacy Search
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: behavior, mental health, negative thinking, personality tests, psychology, relationships, self-confidence, self-improvement, self-knowledge, sherrie, sherrie h, sherrie hurd
Quinta-feira, 13 de Fevereiro de 2020
How Distinction Bias Is Tricking You into Making the Wrong Choices
How Distinction Bias Is Tricking You into Making the Wrong Choices.
Lauren Edwards-Fowle.
learning-mind.com
Posted February 12th, 2020.
.We all like to think we are in control of our decisions, but these are often influenced by many factors around us, leading our thought processes in one direction.
What is distinction bias?
Distinction bias is the influence of making a choice when presented with two similar options side by side simultaneously. This is a tactic often used by retailers, who display a system of ‘good, better and best’ products alongside each other.
It may be that the best product is manufactured to the same standard and performs the same as the good product. However, the price differential creates a perception of quality and drives the customer to buy the more expensive item.
This applies to many scenarios where your own instinctive choice is interrupted by a comparable which makes you reconsider.
How does it affect relationships?
If you find someone really attractive and enjoy spending time with them, it would be natural to consider taking things further. You aren’t presented with a raft of options to compare against one another. You are guided by your feelings, emotions and instinct.
However, if they are introduced next to their twin who is slightly taller and perhaps better dressed, would you still proceed with your intuitive response to get to know your initial crush? Or, would you subconsciously start comparing them with another person simply because they are standing next to each other?
Can it change the way we treat people?
It most certainly can, and does. A great example is that of behavior comparisons. This happens most around people you know well, such as your child or your spouse. You have a preconceived idea about their personality, and how they behave. This means that when something out of the ordinary happens, you immediately start comparing their actions or words with their everyday persona.
Examples of distinction bias in real life
Situations which you would consider perfectly acceptable in anybody else become the kindle for an argument. For example, you have spent a lot of time choosing your child’s party fancy dress outfit and think they look fabulous. You take lots of pictures and are really proud. Then you take them to a party, and some of the other kids have outfits much more elaborate than yours. Are you suddenly feeling a little inadequate, or that you should have made more effort?
Why? Five minutes ago you were glowing with pride!
The same can apply to working alongside a spouse. In their everyday life, they are friendly, amiable and easy-going. When you work together on a project, you find them bossy, loud and controlling. In actuality, any other professional leading a project in the same way would be fine with you. However, because it is your spouse, and you are now seeing them contrasted with their persona at home, you find it irksome and annoying.
Why? They’re a great professional doing their job!
Can we avoid being influenced by distinction bias?
Yes, we can – being aware that it exists, and that we are all susceptible to being influenced is important in so many ways. The old cliché of the grass being greener on the other side rings true. However, it is human nature to analyze our choices more carefully when we have another, perhaps ‘better’ option available, which might negate our happiness with our gut instinct.
Often, taking a step back from making a decision and being able to rationalize and think about the choices we make – or are about to make – is a great way to avoid making a poor choice without having really understood why.
If you are buying something and have set yourself a budget, try to remember that. Don’t be driven by the glossy packaging of a product which is marketed in a way to influence you to spend more money than you need to.
Where does distinction bias most affect us?
One of the biggest places within modern life where distinction bias causes negative effects is social media. Every platform presents the user with multiple images, people and products all displayed side by side.
This scenario creates a situation where we are constantly making comparisons and scrutinizing which person, or which product, is ‘the best’. This culture of comparison leads to toxic emotions such as jealousy, resentment, and lack of self-worth.
Remember that social media is a place where every person and company showcase the very best of themselves. Individual images or captions are highly unlikely to be indicative of daily life.
There is a growing movement to be more conscious of the alternate reality which is presented online. Particularly where influencers or celebrities target adverts manipulating the fears of groups of people, there is new legislation being introduced to regulate this. It can be all too easy for a young impressionable person to feel bombarded with pictures of beautiful, slim strangers. They might feel that they look differently and become convinced that they are not worth as much.
In this situation, it is extremely powerful to remember that this is another symptom of distinction bias. There is absolutely no need to compare your visual identity to that of anybody else. Looking at each part of your life in direct comparison with others is not a healthy way to make life choices.
How can we live our lives free of cognitive bias?
In reality, it is probably impossible to never allow any outside influence to impact our way of thinking. Salespeople love to think they ‘can’t be sold to’, but we all respond to factors in a human way.
Being mindful of your thoughts, how much pressure you put on yourself to make a decision, and analyzing why you are making a choice are all simple ways to keep on track. Being accountable for your decisions, particularly organizational or financial ones that impact your family, can help you to rationalize your actions and keep your focus on what you set out to achieve without deviating.
References:
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: cognitive bias, decision making, lauren edwards-fowle, perception, personality tests, relationships, self-improvement, self-knowledge, social media
Quarta-feira, 5 de Fevereiro de 2020
Cyberstalking: Examples, Tactics and How to Protect Yourself Online
Cyberstalking: Examples, Tactics and How to Protect Yourself Online
Janey Davies.
https://www.learning-mind.com
February 4th, 2020.
.Stalking in any form is insidious and menacing. However, cyberstalking takes this kind of threatening behaviour to frightening new levels.
The internet has evolved to become the place in which we communicate effectively and quickly. For the vast majority of us, it is a safe and pleasant place to inhibit. But for others, it can cause untold terror and misery. So what exactly is cyberstalking?
What Is Cyberstalking?
It is any kind of unwanted attention, such as harassment or abuse, which takes place online. This can be via email, text messages, social media, even GPS tracking devices. It is basically stalking in the cyberworld.
This type of abuse can be directed at an individual, group or business. It tends to be prolonged, intimidating, and sustained over a long period of time. The problem with this type of stalking is that you cannot escape from it. It follows you everywhere. We all have smartphones, access to the internet. And we can’t just switch off.
Examples of Cyberstalking
- Hacking into a person’s social media account to find personal information.
- Creating a fake social media account to keep in touch with an ex-partner.
- Sending hundreds of unwanted text messages or emails.
- Posting explicit pictures of an ex-partner online.
- Threatening to post nude pictures of an ex-partner online or to friends and family.
- Hacking the person’s social media account and posting rude messages as that person.
- Using your social media account to post malicious rumours about a person.
- Sending spiteful or discrediting emails to a victim’s place of work to damage their reputation.
- Hacking into a victim’s computer looking for explicit material to exploit to family and work.
Unfortunately, modern technology has made it extremely easy for stalkers to progress to online stalking. The other problem is that, particularly in view of identity fraud, many people lay their lives wide open on social media. Some people think nothing of posting the most intimate details of their lives online for the whole world to see.
For example, when we go away on holiday, we take steps to ensure our mail is not piling up when strangers can easily see it. We stop milk deliveries. In addition, we set up lights to come on and off at certain times of the day and night. However, we think nothing of posting holiday pictures on Instagram while we are away.
So we have seen examples of cyberstalking, but what tactics do cyberstalkers use to harass their victims?
Tactics a Cyberstalker Will Use
Social engineering
This is a method of manipulation. The cyberstalker will trick the victim into giving up private information. Also known as phishing; this could be by means of planting a virus via email. Another method is cold calling and asking for the victim’s date of birth, etc.
Bad acting
Here the cyberstalker will impersonate someone the victim already knows. Or they will create a fake identity to befriend the victim or the victim’s family. The reason to do this is to exhort money, embarrass, harass or distance the victim from friends and family.
Doxing
Many cyberstalkers will take advantage of the mass of intelligence you can glean online. There are various sources, including Open Source Intelligence (OSINT). This is known as Doxing. As such, there is a mine of readily available public records, databases and search engines for anyone to find online.
Skilled Hackers
The cyberstalker can use a skilled hacker or learn the techniques themselves. Skilled hackers have a multitude of means to gain access to your devices. One simple way is to plant a GPS tracker in your car. This then pings a message to your phone whenever it moves. In actual fact, more skilled hackers can access your computer’s webcam and microphone. As a result, they’ll then monitor your movements and conversations.
Likewise, smartphones are hacked in the same way. The cyberstalker can not only track where your phone is but also clone it. In addition, they can also spoof a phone that is known to you and use it to extract information.
Examples of Victims
Reasons for cyberstalking can vary depending on the perpetrator. A jealous partner can cyberstalk their ex to intimidate them into returning to the relationship. Or to stop them from moving on with their lives.
Jealous ex-partners
One woman living in Glendale, California had noticed she kept accidentally ‘bumping’ into her ex-boyfriend in the most unexpected places. These places ranged from coffee shops, the airport, even the cemetery. She was suspicious and then saw him underneath her car early one morning. He had planted a GPS tracking device in her car which sent signals to his phone. This allowed him to track her every move. When she spotted him, he was in the process of changing the battery.
A second woman was murdered after her stalker was able to find her by using online technology. The man paid an online investigations firm just $154 to find out this woman’s place of work. He went there and shot her. No one at the agency asked why he wanted the information.
Another woman went to the police after several men began contacting her from a local dating site. All the men were looking for casual hookups. All of her personal information was readily available on the online dating site.
Identity fraud
When we think about identity fraud, we automatically assume it is all about money. That the fraudsters want to gather information about their victims in order to scam them into parting with savings. Of course, in many cases, this is true. However, some identity fraud cases are much more complicated.
A journalist writing for Wired.com recounts how her stalker turned to the internet after repeated attempts failed to connect them in the real world. This cyberstalker spoofed her email accounts.
This allowed him to impersonate her online. He sent her hundreds of texts, called her relentlessly, all without her responding. She blocked him on all her social media. However, he ramped up the stalking by attacking her professional career. The police were unable to help as it was not deemed to be a serious threat to her life.
So are there any statistics on the victims of cyberstalking?
Statistics on Cyberstalking
As cyberstalking is a relatively new crime, statistics are rare and not easy to come by. But a national advocacy group has found the following:
- 50% of all victims were ex-partners of the stalker
- More than 50% of cyberstalkers are male
- The majority of victims are Caucasian
- Most of the victims are aged between 18 and 29 years old
- Over 30% of cyberstalking starts on social media
- Thankfully, cyberstalking is now regarded as a serious crime. So if you think you are being stalked online, go to the police and report it. In the meantime, here are some tips and guidelines to protect yourself now and in the future.
- Use good security protection software to prevent infections from viruses or attacks from infected websites.
- Never allow someone physical access to your computer or smartphone.
- Create strong passwords for each and every one of your accounts and change them on a regular basis. Don’t share them with anyone. Moreover, don’t use pet names or names that are easily guessable from your social media profiles.
- Log out from your computer programs every time you step away from the screen on your PC, laptop and smartphone. Don’t just close the page down.
- Use the privacy settings on your social media account properly. This ensures that no one knows your date of birth, where you live, your email address or your phone number.
- Don’t tag photographs with your location. Hackers can tell a lot more than just the location from the metadata attached to the picture.
- Try Googling yourself using different name combinations to see what information is readily available. If you find that sensitive information is online, contact the website and have it removed.
- If a relationship ends, change the passwords on everything you have online. This includes social media accounts and bank accounts.
- Don’t be provocative with people you don’t know online. For instance, you wouldn’t go into a pub and start an argument with strangers. Don’t assume it is safe to do so online.
A lot of advice regarding cyberstalking is common-sense. Use the same safety measures in real life that you would online. For more complicated cases, get the police involved.
References:
About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
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A Trusty with Privacy Search
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: abuse, behavior, crime, cyberstalking, dark personalities, internet, janey davies, manipulation, mental health, personality|, relationships, social media
Quinta-feira, 30 de Janeiro de 2020
A Vision for Relationships
The Vision Alignment Project
We see a world where people enter into loving relationships because they are intending to help and support each other in fulfilling whatever the other's dreams are; where all of the Old Ways that incurred obedience and obligation have gone away; where none need consult the blessings of any government in order to pledge their love or separate from one another; and where all men and women retain their personal freedom within the relationship.
We see a world where laws are not a consideration at all because we have evolved to the point where we are living in a loving world; where everyone is expressing their love freely; and where we understand that relationships may or may not last for the whole of one's life. Accordingly, we see a world where people who choose to go on with their lives alone, without the other, are free to do so. We do this because we have learned that sharing, letting go of our attachment, and giving freely of all things is how people who truly care for one another relate.
If this vision was sent to you from a friend, you can go to www.visionalignmentproject.com to sign up free for The Vision Alignment Project.
The Vision Alignment Project is sponsored by The Intenders of the Highest Good. If you have a Vision you would like to share with the world, please email it to [office@intenders.com]. Your Vision may be published here!
The Vision Alignment Project is sponsored by The Intenders of the Highest Good. If you have a Vision you would like to share with the world, please email it to [office@intenders.com]. Your Vision may be published here!
Tanks to
- The Intenders of the Highest Good <support@intenders.com>
This author archives:
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=a+vision
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=a+vision
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
Schizotypal Personality Disorder Symptoms and How to Spot Them
.We all have our little idiosyncrasies. However, when somebody starts to withdraw from society, speak, think, act and dress in an odd way, it is possible they are showing the symptoms of schizotypal personality disorder.
Before we start, it is worth mentioning that schizotypal personality disorder may share similar symptoms to other disorders. For example, schizophrenia and schizoid personality disorder. However, they are not the same. So how do you characterise the signs of this disorder?
Three Main Schizotypal Personality Disorder Symptoms
The symptoms can be broken down into three main groups:
- A limited capacity to form and maintain close relationships
- A distorted way of perceiving or thinking about events
- Exhibiting off-putting eccentric behaviour
However, to be diagnosed as having a schizotypal personality disorder, you have to suffer from at least 5 of the following symptoms:
- Problems maintaining relationships outside of the family
- Lives a hermit or loner lifestyle
- Detached, isolated from society
- Suffers from persistent social anxiety that does not decrease with familiarity
- Social anxiety is connected to paranoia
- Flat affect or emotions or inappropriate emotional reaction
- Odd speech style, i.e. rambling incoherently, unusual way of talking
- Off-putting odd and eccentric behaviour, beliefs, mannerisms or thinking
- Dresses in a peculiar way, wearing outlandish, ill-matched or unkempt clothes
- Misinterprets events, believes something that is meaningless has a direct impact on them
- Paranoid and suspicious about those around them, questions loyalty
- Magical thinking, superstitious, has a belief in clairvoyance and telepathy and the paranormal
- Allows these beliefs to influence their thinking and judgment
- Feels that they can influence events (ideas of reference)
- An odd thinking style, for example, stereotypical, black and white thinking, vague, over-elaborates, metaphorical or circumstantial
- Believes they can sense an absent person’s presence
These Symptoms in More Detail
Inability to form relationships
The major problem someone with this disorder faces is an inability to form close relationships. However, it is not surprising that the schizotypal person has problems with relationships. Consider the other presenting factors in this disorder.
For example, the odd speech and thinking, misinterpreting events and dressing in an eccentric manner. These all contribute to problems forming relationships. But are their problems due to theirdiscomfort managing these symptoms or the discomfort of others around them? Experts are not sure. I suspect it is a combination of the two.
Social Isolation
What experts do know is that a person suffering from schizotypal personality disorder feels anxious in social situations. It is likely, therefore, that alongside all the other social and personal deficits, they prefer their own company. This leads to a hermit or loner lifestyle.
As a result, this has a knock-on effect on relationships. They feel uncomfortable in social situations. Of course, this doesn’t help with forming close relationships. However, the main reason for this anxiety is paranoia and suspicion regarding other people’s behaviour towards them. Not the fact they feel shy and awkward in social situations.
Odd behaviour
There are many symptoms of odd behaviour that show up in schizotypal personality disorder. For example, a flat affect in speech is common. Others around them will think they are cold and aloofbecause of this.
Likewise, speaking inappropriately or showing the wrong emotion at the wrong time. A little like giggling at a funeral. The way they speak is also odd. They might use a lot of metaphors to converse, speak with a lot of useless nonsense or ramble on with too much detail.
Their dress will be mismatched or outlandish. They’ll think nothing of wearing pyjamas to the theatre or a ball gown to the supermarket. They might be dishevelled or dirty. They won’t care about personal hygiene, preferring to spend their time researching the important things like alien invasions and the end of the world.
Ideas of reference
People with a schizotypal personality disorder will often believe that meaningless events hold great significance, especially for them. It is as if they are being given clues and signs to interpret and only they can solve them. This is similar to ‘magical thinking’ where people believe that their thoughts, ideas, wishes or actions have the power to influence outside events.
I remember working in an office years ago and a guy I had worked only a few times with came up to me and asked if I had left an elastic band on his desk. I didn’t understand the question. He said the band was in the shape of a love heart and that he understood what I was trying to tell him.
Superstitious
Superstition is another symptom of schizotypal personality, alongside a preoccupation with the paranormal. People who suffer from this disorder are obsessed with clairvoyants, magic, numbers, the universe, and the unknown; anything that cannot be easily explained.
They may also hold odd beliefs; ones that do not conform to societal rules. But they won’t care what others think.
Odd thinking style
People with this disorder think differently to us. They might use black and white thinking, or perceive time and space in different terms (perpetual aberration). They also suffer from a concentration on physical symptoms, such as pain or fatigue (somatic symptoms), which then causes them great emotional distress.
They are often paranoid and believe in conspiracy theories, particularly relating outlandish tales about themselves. For example, they might suppose that an innocent phone call by a relative is talking about them to the CIA.
Who Is Likely to Suffer from Schizotypal Personality Disorder?
Just under 4% of the world’s population suffers from this disorder. There is a slightly higher occurrence in men (4.2%) than women (3.7%). You are more likely to suffer from this disorder if you are a black woman, have a low income, are divorced, separated or widowed.
With adjustments made for variables, the schizotypal disorder is shown to be significantly associated with other disorders. This includes narcissistic personality disorder, bipolar disorder and PTSD. Conversely, there are lower occurrences in Asian men.
What Are the Causes of This Disorder?
Experts believe a combination of factors contributes to a cause of this disorder:
- Biology
- Genetics
- Environment
- Biology
Research shows that mothers exposed to influenza during their 6th-month gestation pregnancy term have higher associations with schizotypal traits in males.
Genetics
Early studies show that diagnoses of this disorder are higher when some form of schizo-disorder runs in the family.
Environment
Episodes of stress, psychological trauma or acute anxiety lead to higher incidences of people suffering from this disorder.
Diagnosing and Treating Schizotypal Personality Disorder
There are no blood or genetic tests that can diagnose this disorder. In fact, someone who has several of the symptoms of schizotypal personality disorder should seek a proper diagnosis from a trained mental health practitioner. Psychologists and psychiatrists have the expertise to diagnose this rather tricky mental health disorder.
The problem with treating this kind of disorder is that usually, the person suffering from it does not seek treatment themselves. Therefore, it is up to the family or friends of the sufferer to help the person get treatment.
Treatment of schizotypal personality disorder can be a combination of psychotherapy to understand what is happening and medication to calm the symptoms. For severe cases, treatment may not be effective. Therefore, the only way forward is to assist people suffering to live a satisfying and productive life on their own.
Final Thoughts
Decades ago, anyone who appeared different would be locked up regardless of what was wrong with them. Nowadays, we are learning more and more about the human brain and mental disorders. This is allowing experts to help those who are suffering to improve their living standards, which can only be a step in the right direction for everyone.
References:
About the Author: Janey Davies.
Janey Davies has been published online for over 8 years. She is the head writer for Shoppersbase.com, she also writes for AvecAgnes.co.uk, Ewawigs.com and has contributed to inside3DP.com. She has an Honours Degree in Psychology and her passions include learning about the mind, popular science and politics. When she is relaxing she likes to walk her dog, read science fiction and listen to Muse.
COPYRIGHT © 2019 LEARNING MIND. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. FOR PERMISSION TO REPRINT, CONTACT US.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
Archives:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=Janey+Davies
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=janey+davies
A Trusty with Privacy Search
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
Terça-feira, 21 de Janeiro de 2020
Got a Friend Who Is Always Asking for Favors? How to Handle Them and Set Boundaries
.Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, and we will usually have one friend who is always asking for favors. Give and take is a normal part of friendship, but what can you do when it becomes a recurring theme?
Take a look at my suggestions as to how to deal with that friend who is constantly asking for favors, and how to create boundaries.
Recognize the signs of being used
One immediate sign of a friendship that is not genuine is a friend who is always asking for favors and offers nothing in return. If you have ever felt that a friendship is completely one-sided, you may be being used.
It is useful to consider what you are gaining from this friendship.
- Do you enjoy their company, or dread having to meet up?
- Are they funny and/or share your interests, or do you feel obliged to maintain contact?
- Have they acknowledged the favors you have done, or taken them for granted?
Dealing with toxic ‘friendships’
If you reflect on a friendship and know that it is proving toxic, then there is only one answer; to move on.
This is the worst-case scenario, but you are responsible for your wellbeing, and cannot sustain a friendship purely because you feel obliged to. Toxic people drain your energy and your resources, and will not stop using you for the favors they are constantly asking for unless you put a stop to it.
Creating boundaries
Most of the time, friends who are always asking for favors do so simply because you let them. They might not even realize they are doing it, or that it is causing you distress.
The most important thing for you to do to sustain a friendship that you value is to talk openly about your concerns.
If you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to everything, even at great inconvenience, you are validating unreasonable behavior. Most friends will not take advantage of kindness intentionally, but people can be thoughtless and might be falling into the habit of relying on you without considering other options.
Preserve your space
Open discussion can be uncomfortable, but if you wish to keep your relationship, then honesty is essential. Tell your friend that you have concerns about them always asking for favours. They might have no idea that they are repeating this behavior, and if they place equal value on your friendship will be able to discuss it with you.
Alternatively, if you think this conversation may cause conflict, you can put in place your barriers subtly. If this does not change their behavior and they continue asking for favors constantly, then it is time for ‘the talk’.
Establishing control
Remember that you always have control over your actions, but not those of others. Consider whyyour friend is always turning to you and asking for favors.
- Do you always say yes?
- Have you ever tried saying no?
- If you have said no, was that an end to the request?
- Could you say yes, but within a timescale that is convenient for you?
- Have you tried recommending another friend or resource that might be more suitable?
Sometimes we unwittingly reinforce bad behavior to avoid conflict. In doing so, we set ourselves up for a difficult time by confirming the validity of this behavior. In the case of a friend who is always asking for favors, if you haven’t ever said no, how do you know how they would react?
Managing contact
In this day and age, many of us are guilty of feeling like we have to be available 24/7. Doing this makes us open and available to anybody at any time, and neglects the importance of taking time for ourselves.
One of the key ways to establish and maintain your boundaries is to choose when and how you are available. This is very simple!
- Turn off your phone when you don’t wish to be disturbed.
- Don’t feel obliged to check your messages when you are busy at work, or about to go to sleep.
Try not replying immediately to every message, and give yourself time to consider your response before replying
By establishing your own ‘rules’ about how you communicate, you take back control of your time and recognize the value of your space.
Building distance
If you are finding it hard to create boundaries, then a little distance may be what is needed.
It is hard to consider creating distance between yourself and a friend. But if the relationship is turning toxic and you are forgetting why you became friends in the first place, this is essential to preserve goodwill.
You could try creating a different ringtone for your friend who is always asking for favors. This gives you a choice about whether or not to pick up the phone, or whether to return a call when you are in a good position to talk and consider your answer if they are calling to ask for another favor.
Turning the tables
This is a tricky one, but if you are concerned that a friendship is turning sour and that your friend is always asking for favors to manipulate the friendship, you could try asking for one back.
I do not believe in creating scenarios intended to make somebody ‘fail a test’. However, if you think you might be being used but aren’t sure enough that you want to cause conflict within your friendship, next time you do need a favor, you could try asking this friend and seeing how they respond.
The chances are that if they are always relying on you for help that they trust and respect your opinion. Being able to ask for support from your friends is an essential part of making sure that trust runs both ways.
If your friendship means as much to them as it does to you, next time you need a lift somewhere, or for a friend to check in on your cat, make this friend your first call. Hopefully, they will jump at the chance to return your kindness.
And if they don’t? At least you know exactly where you stand.
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=Lauren+Edwards-Fowle
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=lauren+edwards-fowle
A Trusty with Privacy Search
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
Segunda-feira, 20 de Janeiro de 2020
Immature Adults Will Display These 7 Traits and Behaviors
.Emotional maturity usually comes naturally, but for some people, this step of growth seems to have been missed. Dealing with immature adults can be difficult and stressful. A person who isn’t able to grasp the concept of negotiation is as difficult to deal with as a toddler – hence being an immature adult!
Here are some key examples of the behaviors and traits of immature adults to look out for.
It can also be interesting to analyze whether you are also guilty of some of these traits and need to apply maturity to those situations.
1. Lack of emotional control
Adults who lack maturity will have little control over their emotions and overreact in much the same way as a small child. Have you ever seen a child screaming and crying in a supermarket because they couldn’t choose a product from the shelf? That is a primary example of immaturity.
Children, of course, are not expected to be emotionally mature. They need time and guidance to learn how to process and express their feelings. Immature adults have never learned this, and so can lash out, act out of proportion with the situation or become overwhelmingly emotional.
This sign of an immature adult often stems from a cushioned childhood or having a condition that makes them unable to get in touch with their feelings.
2. Lack of independence
Immature people will not behave with the independence that we expect when reaching maturity. Traits may include a reliance on a parent or partner to cook their food or provide other general household tasks such as laundry.
It may be that immature adults simply haven’t ever been taught the necessary skills to take care of their own needs and have grown up learning complete reliance on others.
In this situation, continuing to support their dependence is never a good idea. Adults who have come to rely on others will never be able to support themselves if they do not have any reason to learn the essential life skills they are missing.
3. Irresponsibility
Immature adults often are most easily identified by their lack of respect for finances and possessions – whether their own or somebody else’s. This stems from the nature of children who don’t yet understand the value or worth of things since they are reliant on a parent or guardian to provide for them.
Most adults learn this value very quickly, and in particular when joining the workforce and learning to equate money and possessions with their income. However, an immature adult has never learned to respect their finances and can be very irresponsible and fickle with money.
4. Selfishness
One of the common behaviors of immature people is innate selfishness. They may find it difficult to relate to or empathize with others, and may, therefore, struggle to maintain healthy relationships of any kind.
This behavior echoes a small child who exists within their world and hasn’t yet learned to empathize. An adult who lacks maturity will be unable to consider anything from the perspective of another person. They will only have an interest in fulfilling their desires.
For this reason, immature adults are often untrustworthy and prone to lie, as with children. This is less likely to be malicious, and more likely to be a product of their selfish nature. It means that they simply cannot accept responsibility for their actions, or perceive the equal value of others.
5. Oversharing
An immature adult usually tends not to have a filter. This is a key trait that is identifiable within children who often need parents to explain cultural norms. For example, discussing other people loudly in a queue or asking potentially hurtful questions in innocence.
This trait can often be seen on social media and reflects the emotional immaturity of an adult who needs to feel validated by the opinions of others. Perhaps less obvious than some of the other behaviors of immature adults, oversharing and not being able to pursue their own goals without external validation is a key trait.
6. Being egocentric
Small children, and even teenagers, often crave attention and holding the spotlight. This behavior is seen in immature adults, who desire attention at all costs and will often upstage others to ensure they receive it.
A sign of this trait could be an adult who creates unnecessary drama at a celebratory event which is not being held for them. Or it could be a friend who discusses problems at every opportunity without giving thought to whether it is appropriate.
This can be a sign of an immature adult who has always felt themselves to be competing for attention. It can also be a sign of an adult who has always been the center of attention throughout their upbringing. Thus, he or she has not developed the maturity to share the spotlight from time to time.
7. Inability to sustain relationships
We all know that relationships of any nature need equal effort to sustain them. Immature adults areoften single or change romantic partners regularly. They are also likely to have few friends, as they cannot commit to other people, to show empathy or to understand the priorities and perspectives of people around them.
An immature adult may either have few people close to them or only be close to family members who likely continue to treat them as a child.
How to deal with immature adults?
There is no hard and fast way to manage immature people. But the best course of action is never to support their poor behavior. This will only reinforce their conditioned emotional responses and support this continuing.
Lauren Edwards-Fowle
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: behavior, childhood, communication, ego, emotions, lauren edwards-fowle, personality, relationships
Terça-feira, 19 de Novembro de 2019
Why Ghosting People Can Be Damaging and 6 Reasons Why Ghosters Do It
.Having you ever heard of ghosting people? Well, it has nothing to do with the supernatural. It’s something much more heinous.
Relationships can be beautiful things, but some of them do not last. I’ve always heard that some breakups are so bad that they feel the same as grieving the loss of a loved one, and in a way we have. But there is something even worse than a breakup. Can you imagine? Some people turn to ghosting in order to get rid of their love interest.
What is ghosting and why do some people do it?
Do you know what it means to go ghost on a boyfriend? Well, if not, here’s the low down…and, by the way, it’s a really is a low down way to go. Ghosting means realizing that you’re not interested in the person your dating or in a relationship with, and instead of breaking up with them, you just disappear.
Going ghost on people means just leaving, not returning texts or calls, and avoiding any human contact at all. You give you reasons and it’s always a sudden decision. It’s as if you wake up one morning and decide you have to get away from the relationship.
If you’ve been ghosted before, you know the level of pain it causes, but if not, can you imagine how devastating it can be to be left in the dark? It can be extremely damaging. So why? Why must we leave people with no explanations about the breakup? Are we evil people? Let’s take a look.
Why are we ghosting people?
1. Avoiding confrontation
The number one reason why most people ghost others is that they are afraid of confrontation or they just hate it. Facing someone and telling them that you want to break up is never easy. Let’s face it, looking into their eyes has to be pretty hard. Then you have to think about all the questions they’ll have and the crying.
Many people want to avoid all this awkwardness and just disappear. While avoiding confrontation may be easier for the ghoster, it’s horrible for the one who has no idea what’s going on. Even though the break up would be hard, it would be easier than being left with nothing to go on. Healing would be much harder.
2. Attempting to save feelings
Some people think it hurts less to just go ghost. They feel that the break up hurts the other person’s confidence and self-esteem. While the self-esteem may take a temporarily hit, it can be healed with time. When you ghost someone, these people have nothing to go on, and they can try to figure it out for themselves, creating all sorts of much worse scenarios.
The truth is, maybe you just feel you’re not a good match, this is not as bad as leaving someone guessing at all the terrible things they must have done to warrant being ghosted. Do you see? Unfortunately, some people just have it all turned backward when it comes to ending relationships.
3. Negative past experiences
Some people feel that ghosting is the better route because they’ve had some really bad face to face or phone break-ups. Maybe they were insulted, begged or even attacked after telling their girlfriend the relationship was over. The truth is, you never really know what’s going to happen when you confront them. But, even if you’ve had bad past experiences, it’s still not the right thing to do.
Even though phone calls or texts are not as personal and respectful as face to face talks, if you’ve had a bad history of break-ups, at least don’t just disappear. It can leave scars that may not go away and follow them into their next relationship. Did you know that ghosting a person can even damage their trust for the next fellow? That’s not fair.
4. Severe narcissism
Here we are again, talking about the narcissist. Seems like they tend to do many heinous things when they are on the selfish side of the spectrum. If you’ve followed many of the articles here about narcissistic personality disorder or similar topics, you will remember that this type of narcissism includes the lack of empathy. Empathy is where you’re considerate of other people’s feelings.
Many people ghost the ones they’ve been dating because they simply don’t care and just want to get it over with. Sometimes, in their minds, it’s just like throwing away something that is no longer useful to them. But, of course, that’s just what narcissists of this nature do.
5. The fear of commitment
I’ve actually witnessed this before, and it’s really strange to me. This also primarily deals with couples who are entering a new level in their relationship. It also doesn’t have to do with just marriage. It can also be the fear of commitment to one person that causes the ghoster to run away.
Many times, people like this think they are incapable of loving one person, or fear they will fail at being a spouse. Also, if they’ve been married before or in a committed relationship which failed horribly, they are prone to ghost on you as well.
Although it’s wrong, this reason is more out of fear than not caring about the other person. Sometimes these people even come back. But after all that, would you really want to see them again?
6. No respect
Sometimes people enter into relationships and discover extremely negative qualities about each other. One partner may have such bad qualities that it’s almost impossible to endure. This usually means the relationship is not going to last. So, the proper thing to do would be to break up, right?
Well, in some cases, instead of breaking up with a person you’ve lost respect for, you may just ghost them. Even though ghosting people is bad, you may feel like the person is so horrible that it doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, losing all respect for your partner may have you wanting to just disappear.
Is it ever right to ghost people?
Honestly, it’s rarely ever a good thing to just disappear on someone you’ve dated. Only in severe circumstances where you fear for your life should you ever consider going ghost.
I urge you to be brave, and if your relationship is going under, go to your partner and discuss what should be done. If you have to break up with them, it’s better to have enough care to tell them to their face, or at least a phone call or text. Try to never leave someone hanging…yes just don’t go ghost.
I think you understand now.
References:
Sherrie Hurd
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
- https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=sherrie+hurd
- http://violetflame.biz.ly/cgi-bin/blog?tags=sherrie+hurd
- Also: https://rayviolet.blogspot.com/search?q=sherrie
No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
tags: avoidance, communication, mental health, personality, psychology, relationships, sherrie, sherrie h, sherrie hurd
Sexta-feira, 15 de Novembro de 2019
6 Types of Abuse in Relationships and How to Recognize Them
As you know, abuse comes in many forms. In a relationship, there are several types of abuse.
Everyone wishes for a loving and healthy relationship, whether it’s a platonic or intimaterelationship. Healthy relationships involve respect, kindness, selflessness, and many other beneficial qualities. While unhealthy relationships continue to grow worse ignoring most of the good qualities of good unions.
Different types of abuse are sometimes hard to recognize
Recognizing abuse and the different types requires being educated on each one. Many times a husband or wife can go through years of abuse without even knowing the truth.
In many of these situations, one partner is convinced that they are the entire problem, while the fault lies mostly with the other. This is an insidious way of the abuser being able to continue what they’re doing.
What are the different types of abuse?
1. Physical abuse
When you hear the word abuse, what’s the first thing you think of? For most people, that would be physical abuse, but not for everyone.
Physical abuse can be punching, kicking, slapping, strangling, shoving or any similar forms of forced physical contact. Believe it or not, physical abuse can also be neglect or abandonment because it deals with physical aspects.
Physical abuse can also include being restrained against your will or the invasion of your own personal space. The violence of this nature can often lead to severe injuries, hospitalization, or at worst, even death. This is the most common form of domestic violence.
2. Verbal abuse
This form of abuse can be loud or it can be subtle. Verbal attacks include shouting, insults or outward lies. Yes, lies are verbal abuse because they are usually pathological and designed to break down your reserves. Verbal abuse is used to make you think you’re crazy.
This can also be called gaslighting. If you know something to be true and it includes negative aspects about the liar, they will do whatever it takes to make you feel as though you imagined the whole thing. This often overlaps with mental abuse.
3. Mental abuse
Abuse of this caliber can isolate the victim so bad that there will be few people who believe what they’re going through.
Mental/ psychological abuse can also come in the form of gaslighting (making you think you’re crazy), but it can also do so much more damage than taint your reputation. Mental abuse includes lies when the truth is right in front of your face, and these can wear down your mental capacity.
Those who already battle mental illness can become progressively worse when dealing with mental abuse in a relationship. It is true, that someone can tell you lies for so long that even you believe them yourself.
That’s why this sort of abuse is so damaging. It turns you against your own logic, which can be devastating. It can even turn others against you and make them see your abuser as the “good guy”.
4. Sexual abuse
Did you know that sexual abuse can happen in a relationship? Yes, most definitely. Rape can occur as well. If either partner doesn’t want to engage in intimate relations, but it otherwise forced to do so, this is considered rape, or abuse.
While sexual abuse can be a physical act, it can also overlap emotional and mental abuse. Using sex as a way to get what you want, to assign value to your partner, or to insult them is also considered sexual abuse.
Intimacy was designed to do many positive things, but unfortunately, it can be twisted into a heinous form of abuse, whether married or unmarried, even in other related forms.
5. Emotional abuse
Although similar to mental abuse, with some overlapping, emotional abuse has more to do with the feelings than thinking. With this type of abuse, the victim’s feelings are often ignored when they don’t align with what the partner feels.
Control is a huge part of emotional abuse, where one partner tries to have reign over every aspect of their partner’s life. Control in emotional abuse can include financial control, where the partner isn’t allowed to work or have a bank account.
Sometimes this control develops due to past circumstances or jealousy, but it’s still emotional abuse. Other forms of emotional abuse involve making your partner feel worthless with insults and neglect. This includes racism, sexism, and making jokes about someone’s native language.
Most of the time, people outside of the relationship will have no idea any of this is going on until it becomes severe.
6. The abuse of addiction
The reason this type of abuse is mentioned here is that it can affect more than the person who is caught in its grips. Alcoholism or drug abuse damages the user, the user’s family, and many others who may be around the user.
In your relationship, if your partner is addicted to alcohol or drugs, or even other things, it’s best to seek professional help. Addiction tends to be an extremely difficult type of abuse to conquer.
Recognizing the abuse in relationships
It’s fairly easy to recognize types of abusive behavior when reading the categories above. If you’re experiencing physical discomfort, it could be physical or sexual abuse. If you’re starting to think you’re worthless or contemplating suicide, you could be experiencing a number of these types.
You see, all types of abuse overlap somewhere, so there could be symptoms of more than one type going on in your life.
One way to discover whether or not you’re being abused is if you’ve been labeled as “crazy” by your loved one. This label often masks all the other symptoms of abuse and it’s hard to get to the truth when gaslighted. If you’ve been told you’re crazy, this is a red flag. Seek help immediately to discover the truth of your relationship.
Take back control and take back your life!
References:
Sherrie Hurd.
About the Author: Sherrie Hurd
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 10 years of experience. She is an advocate for mental health awareness and nutrition. Sherrie studied Psychology, Journalism, and Fine Arts, receiving an Associates in Marketing. She has written for Beacon, a southern college publication, and is an author of a full-length non-fiction novel. Sherrie spends most of her time giving life to the renegade thoughts. As the words erupt and form new life, she knows that she is yet again free from the nagging persistence of her muse.
Copyright © 2012-2019 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
Compiled by http://violetflame.biz.ly from:
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No religious or political creed is advocated here.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.
Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.
Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.
With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.
Please respect all credits.
Discernment is recommended.
All articles are of the respective authors and/or publishers responsibility.
Like this! please bookmark. It is updated daily
(email:nai@violetflame.biz.ly)
PT: a chama ~ Israel ou Cazária!? ~
ES: LLAMA VIOLETA
EN: VioletFlame
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