A Chama da Ascensão

Domingo, 10 de Maio de 2020

How to Deal with Failure When Everything Goes Wrong

By Anna LeMind, B.A.

May 10th, 2020

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In these times of ubiquitous uncertainty, many people feel like everything is falling apart. Businesses fail, relationships are going through the trial of social distancing, loneliness and isolation are more intense than ever. For this reason, you may want to know how to deal with failure and uncertainty.

If you are feeling like a failure during this turbulent period, you are not alone. Whatever it is that you may have failed in, there are some things you can do to overcome it as quickly as possible and find the motivation to go on.

Hey, I know that you are tired of vague recommendations like ‘stay strong’ or ‘think positive’ that every single motivational article seems to feature. To be honest, they are not really helpful when everything goes wrong and you are feeling desperate. So I’m going to share with you a few actionable tips I use to deal with failure during these uncertain times. Hopefully, they will help you get through this difficult period.

How to Deal with Failure: 6 No-Nonsense Tips to Use When Everything Goes Wrong

1. Don’t overgeneralize

We often overgeneralize our situation when things go wrong and attribute the negative aspects of what’s happening to ourselves. Failing at something – especially during such challenging times we are living in – doesn’t mean that your whole life is a failure.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of beating yourself for your wrong choices or a lack of foresight. You might be blaming yourself for the things you did or didn’t do, which led you here where you are now.

However, never label yourself as a failure or incapable. This will only bring you more pain and despair. Your current situation doesn’t reflect who you are. You can become a success again, and all it takes is to face this adversity with all your resilience and learn from your mistakes.

2. Don’t catastrophize

It’s perfectly understandable if you are feeling like your whole world is falling apart. Like you are never going to be fulfilled or successful again and everything you have been working for so hard is gone for good. When we exaggerate the impact of the hardships that come our way, we fall victim to what is called catastrophic thinking.

Intense negative emotions like frustration and despair can blind you. When you fall into the abyss of this darkness, everything looks uglier than it is. Give yourself some time to gain a clear vision again and you will see that things are not as terrible as you thought. You will realize that it’s not over and you can still fix the situation and go on with your life.

3. Challenge your inner critic

If you are an overthinker and have the self-destructive habit of criticizing yourself, dealing with failure can be even harder. Are you getting too hard on yourself? Is your inner critic telling you ugly things about yourself? Is it even calling you names?

For a self-critical person, it’s a gloomy reality of dealing with hardships, no matter how small. If you are this kind of person, you always blame it all on yourself. While taking responsibility for your mistakes is a productive approach, dwelling on unhealthy guilt and negativity towards yourself is never going to do you any good. So how to deal with failure when you are a self-critical overthinker?

Just ignoring your self-deprecating thoughts can lead to repression and bitterness. So when your inner critic talks, don’t ignore it. Instead, challenge it. When it’s calling you names like a ‘loser’ or ‘worthless’, reply with positive statements about yourself.

It’s similar to using positive affirmations, but you can supercharge their power by giving yourself a specific reason why you are a capable/good/successful person. For example:

I am capable and competent because I run my own business
My life is a success because I have a happy family
I am a smart person, so I will succeed again

These kinds of statements are a more effective way to deal with failure and beat self-criticism than general affirmations like ‘I’m a good person’ or ‘I’m a success’. They also help you challenge your inner critic in a constructive way instead of giving in to its devastating negativity.

4. Recall the moments of joy and success

Our thoughts hold enormous power, and so do our memories. You’ve probably seen this power when you ruminated about something bad that had happened in your past. Thoughts of this nature create strong negative emotions, which are very real, even though the situation you are ruminating about is long over.

The good news is that you can use the power of your thoughts to your advantage too. When you are dealing with failure, turn to your memories of success. And I’m not talking just about having a quick glance at them in your mind. I’m talking about actually immersing into a moment when you felt like a success.

Make it a sort of meditation session. Sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes, and recall every detail of that memory. What day was it? What was the weather like? Who were you with? What were you wearing? Recalling these nuances will help you feel that moment and your feelings in all their glory.

In no time, you will feel more powerful and optimistic. You will realize that you still have many more moments of success in front of you, and the failure you are facing right now is not the end of the world.

5. Practice gratitude

Just like recalling a positive memory, focusing on the positive things or people in your life is a great way to deal with failure and lift your spirits. Even when it feels like everything goes wrong, it’s certain that your life still has a bright side. There are still things you can be grateful for but take them for granted, like we all do.

Sadly, we often start to truly appreciate something when life forces us to do without it. So, when life puts you face-to-face with failure, practicing gratitude is another way to see your situation in a more positive light.

Hug your special someone, spend quality time with your family, play with your kids. These experiences help you realize how lucky you actually are. Feeling the warmth of emotional connection and receiving the support of your dear ones will give you the motivation to go on and the power to push through any adversity.

And of course, don’t forget about the most obvious things that most people tend to neglect like health, income, and life itself. Even though your failure may feel like a real disaster right now, be certain that many people are in a much more unfortunate position than you are. So take a few moments to appreciate this treasure you have been taking for granted for so long.

6. Plan your next move

Finally, at some point, you need to pull yourself together and actually deal with your failure and its consequences. I understand that you may need some time to cope with your frustration and find the emotional strength to do anything.

But don’t dwell on failure for too long – if you are too busy ruminating and blaming yourself, you may miss the opportunity to actually solve the problem. Use the tips above to lighten your mood and as soon as you gain a clear vision and can think reasonably again, plan your next move.

Do your research, weigh your options, consider the changes you need to make. Most importantly, evaluate your previous decisions and mistakes that led to failure and think over the lessons you learned to make sure it won’t happen again.

If you manage to turn failure into your teacher, you will get out of it as a wiser and more resilient person than you were before. This means that facing failure may, in fact, help you succeed in life, no matter how controversial this may sound.

The bottom line is to act on failure and learn from it instead of just watching it ruin your life and end up feeling miserable and sorry for yourself.

To Deal with Failure, Remember This Simple Truth

In the end, the most important thing to remember when dealing with failure is that it too shall pass. So don’t give up just yet. There will be many more opportunities to succeed. Think about the lessons failure taught you about life, keep trying, and be sure that you have many more successes to celebrate in the future.

Anna LeMind

About the Author: Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.

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Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
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With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.

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tags: anna lemind, failure, motivation, personal development, self-confidence, self-improvement, success skills

publicado por achama às 17:35

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Quinta-feira, 23 de Abril de 2020

8 Traits of a Charismatic Personality and How to Be One.

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted April 23rd, 2020.

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Having a charismatic personality means understanding the delicate balance between confidence and humility. Everyone enjoys the company of such a person.

One of the best traits to have is charisma. While it might not be easy to understand by many people, for those who get it, it’s invaluable. Finding a balance that clearly defines the difference between cockiness and confidence means all the difference in the world. In that balance is where you want to be in order to truly be a good individual.

How to recognize a charismatic personality?

A winning personality void of egotistical intent but filled with love and kindness is what our world needs today. We need more people filled with true charisma. But who are these people? How do we recognize the charismatic personality?

Revealing traits

1. Substance

True charismatic people possess substance behind their initial charm. You may meet someone who is incredibly charming and warm, but if they aren’t truly charismatic, this charm will erode into selfish motivation. With substance, there is a depth to that charm – it’s a true intention to offer your best to your fellow man.

2. Presence

To have a strong presence is not just about being in the present moment, physically. When charisma is present within you, you are able to give someone else 100% of your attention when they are conveying a message.

Think about it this way. How important to you is what you have to say? It’s important, isn’t it? So, one trait of charisma is being able to hear every piece of information and understanding that all of it is important to the one speaking or needing help.

3. Good eye contact

A charismatic personality exudes confidence. This confidence often shows through good eye contact. When you make eye contact during presentations or even when simply meeting someone new, you help them focus on what you’re saying, thus understanding and retaining more information.

You will know that someone has charisma when they hold good eye contact without making situations uncomfortable.

4. Listening skills

Many times, in a conversation, one person holds the spotlight. Although it can be rather selfish, most people don’t realize they’re hogging all the attention. Instead of listening to someone speak, most people are already planning their next words.

A good healthy conversation, however, involves paying attention to what each other says, I mean really paying full attention. Charismatic people do this – they actually listen to what you’re saying. They are invaluable friends. They even listen more than they speak in all conversations.

5. Humility

Being humble is hard to some, but to charismatic people, it seems to come naturally. Humility is a well-known trait of selflessness, offering the best to others even when having to sacrifice themselves for others.

In fact, the most charismatic types of personalities have little to no arrogance at all. Humility will be easy to recognize when meeting charismatic people. Just watch for their constant effort to help and their amazing ability to accept when they are wrong.

6. Maturity

The person with charisma is mature. They place wisdom at a higher standard than knowledge itself. While so many of us possess intellect, few really have the ability to utilize logic and life experience like the charismatic personality.

True maturity shows through the charismatic person’s ability to make wise decisions, accept responsibility, and be a good influence on others struggling to be better versions of themselves. They will often be recognized as people wise beyond their physical age.

7. Power

Some personalities display kindness and beauty, while this particular personality displays power too. Now, mind you, this power I speak of is not a selfish type of power. It’s more like having an incredible influence over those in high positions.

But do charismatic people use this power for self-gain? Not usually, they mostly have this power unknowingly or they don’t try to use it. It’s more like something that just resides within that gets noticed and utilized. Using power for yourself and being a powerful influence are completely different things. True power shows through charisma.

8. Warm

A personality with charisma is a warm personality. This means they are approachable. Unlike other personalities where you feel nervous, the person with charisma makes you feel accepted, genuinely cared for, and intelligent. They never downplay your knowledge by showing off their own.

It’s as if they come towards you with open arms, welcoming everything you have to say. This warmth cannot be copied by those who aren’t charismatic people. It is a rare trait.

If you want to be more charismatic, here’s what you do:

1. Listen better

As I stated above, charismatic personalities truly listen during communication. If you want to be more like this, you have to practice listening more and speaking less. No, it’s not easy at all.

I have a horrible problem with just listening to what others have to say without constantly formulating my own words during their speaking. I also get overly excited about my own life and experiences that I often eclipse others when conversating. This is really bad, and yes, I must improve.

This is true with most people. We must learn to listen better if we want to improve our own charisma.

2. Take less/give more

Do not be selfish. Spend more of your time helping and giving to others, and less time taking things you believe you deserve. To physically be more charismatic, maybe you can help with a charity or do things for your neighbors.

It takes practice moving more into a selfless nature considering the world is always wanting us to take for ourselves in order to survive. So giving is a huge way of improving charismatic aspects of your personality.

3. Embrace change

Change isn’t easy, but to be more charismatic, you have to learn how to adapt to whatever is happening around you. At first, learn how to accept the ideas and opinions of others instead of judging their beliefs. Everyone is an individual and deserves the same respect, even when you don’t agree with them.

Accept a change of thought, a change of environment if necessary, and even a change in your personal life. People with positive power can do this.

4. Try to stay positive

While it’s not possible to be positive every moment of your life, striving for a positive attitude and good news when you can is always best. What this does for others is it makes them feel better about themselves. It makes them feel like there is hope in the world when they are disappointed. Work on your positive feelings and this will transform the way you and others think.

Becoming a charismatic person

Basically, I believe we should make a decision to move toward building a more charismatic personality. Why? Well, because being a good influence, truly listening and being kind never hurt anyone. In fact, this sort of behavior can change someone’s life for the better, and in huge ways. I encourage you to practice charismatic behavior and learn more about yourself in the process.

How are you improving your self today? Share any ideas if you want.

References:

Sherrie Hurd

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tags: charisma, communication, personal development, personality, self-confidence, self-improvement, sherrie, sherrie h, sherrie hurd

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Domingo, 19 de Abril de 2020

5 Signs the Proud Person in Your Life Is Just Arrogant.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle,

M.Sc. & B.Sc.

learning-mind.com

Posted March 19th, 2020.

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Pride is the great quality of appreciating your successes and having confidence in your endeavors. However, when does pride become toxic and become a manifestation of arrogance? Could the proud person you know be just conceited? Do you sometimes feel that your significant other isn’t proud but has reached the tipping point of becoming arrogant?

What is the difference between pride and arrogance? Let’s take a look at how to work out whether a proud person is just conceited.

Defining pride:

The dictionary defines pride as:

“Feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth; or being a reason for pride.”

Feelings of pride reflect your emotions arising from an accomplishment. Feeling proud of yourself is linked to an achievement or success that has rewarded your efforts with positivity.

Pride doesn’t just relate to yourself; you can be proud of others or proud of group achievements. It connects with other feelings, such as honor, dignity, and self-respect. Pride is justifiable and has an identifiable reason.

Confidence is not a bad trait, and being proud of your successes can lead to improvements in self-esteem. The problem, of course, comes with overwhelming pride, and when confidence eclipses those positive character traits and becomes arrogance.

Defining arrogance:

Arrogance is not the same thing as pride; a proud person is not necessarily conceited. Being arrogant is similar to other negative perspectives:

Vanity
Conceitedness
Selfishness
Disrespectfulness

An arrogant person believes himself or herself to be superior to others, whether or not they have a logical reason to think so. They consider themselves more valuable, their contributions more important, and have excessive expectations of their abilities.

This leads to dominance, an elevated impression of a person’s talent, and a lack of regard or respect for other people around them. Conceitedness is not justifiable, is not necessarily linked to any achievements or successes, and applies only to that person’s opinion of themselves.

Signs that a proud person is just arrogant

1. They demand to be the center of attention

People who have achieved great things have every right to be proud. However, talent speaks for itself, and sometimes the most successful people shy away from the limelight. A conceited person will insist on being the center of attention at all times.

This can manifest as:

Talking over people in conversation
Raising their voice to be heard, or drowning out others
Turning every subject around to talk about themselves
Having a dominant personality
Refusing to let anybody else make decisions

2. They feel threatened by other proud people

Somebody who has much to feel confident about will welcome interesting conversations, personal challenges, and meeting new people. If you are confident in yourself and have a healthy level of self-respect, it is unusual to feel intimidated by others.

An arrogant person will often feel ‘at risk’ when confronted with other people who, perhaps, would be able to spot the flaws in their persona and contradict their boasting of accomplishments.

3. They are often irritated or annoyed by people they perceive as weak

Selfish people don’t have much time for others, and will usually try to surround themselves with a social group they consider to be their peers. Conceited people also often attempt to ingratiate themselves with connections with greater achievements than their own, either to gain a higher social status or because they believe themselves to be on a par.

Likewise, an arrogant person will find quieter people or those they consider to be weak an annoyance. They do not have empathy, will not be willing to spend any time with people who don’t further their objectives, and will quickly become frustrated and annoyed.

4. They always believe themselves to be right

Vanity means believing your ideas, suggestions or thoughts to be far superior to those that anybody else could come up with. Arrogant people are uncompromising and extremely difficult to work and live with.

Have you ever seen somebody watching an expert on the news, or viewing a professional sports event, and insist that they know better, or could have done a better job? That is an example of excessive pride, whereby a person truly thinks his or her power of thought, and physical performance is better than anybody else’s – no matter how much evidence there might be to the contrary!

5. They have no respect for other people

If people have an extremely high opinion of themselves, they probably don’t have much room in their psyche for considering anybody else.

A person with excess pride will often show this in lots of small ways, which can conclusively point to their lack of respect for other people:

Always being late
Never doing a favor for anybody else
Having high expectations from the people in their lives
Being unwilling to show any generosity
Speaking over people
Putting the phone down without saying goodbye
Interrupting constantly

Conclusion

Being proud and confident are not bad qualities to have. Everybody should feel a sense of pride when they have achieved something difficult, or shown resilience and forbearing. However, arrogance is something quite different, and spending a lot of time around it can be draining.

If you think that the proud person in your life may be arrogant, perhaps now is the time to address the problem. They may not realize that their behaviors have gone too far, and being conscious of how they come across could be a wake-up call to reel in the temptation to dominate every relationship.

An innately conceited person might not be capable of change, in which case the best thing to do is to consider your capacity to manage and cope with their personality. If it is harming you, and you constantly feel exhausted by having to make up for their bad behavior, it may be time to start putting yourself first.

Lauren Edwards-Fowle

About the Author: Lauren Edwards-Fowle

Lauren Edwards-Fowle is a professional copywriter based in South East England. Lauren worked within Children's Services for five years before moving into the business sector. She holds an MSc in Applied Accountancy and BSc in Corporate Law. She now volunteers within the community sport sector, helping young people to live healthier, more productive lifestyles and overcome the barriers to inclusion that they face. With a keen interest in physical wellbeing, nutrition and sports, Lauren enjoys participating in a variety of team sports in her spare time, as well as spending time with her young family and their dog Scout.

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tags: arrogance, behavior, ego, lauren edwards-fowle, narcissism, personality, self-confidence

publicado por achama às 23:40

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Sexta-feira, 21 de Fevereiro de 2020

6 Signs You Are Self-Sabotaging and How to Stop This Toxic Behavior.

Sherrie Hurd.

learning-mind.com

Posted February 20th, 2020.

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Unfortunately, we can sometimes fall into self-sabotaging behavior. There is more than one reason for that.

At the moment, I feel as if I am sabotaging my life. Just when I think everything is okay, another boulder rolls down the hill and flattens me again. But it’s not a real boulder, it just feels like one. You see, at that moment, I lose all desire for the things that used to make me happy. It’s like I’m waiting for the rocks to stop falling. It’s a possibility that will never happen in my present situation. So, I feel stuck, and thus, I am sabotaging my life in the process.

Toxic aspects of self-sabotaging behavior

Procrastination is part of my behavior. I will sit and binge watch television for hours so I don’t have to face the unfairness and disrespect in my life. Instead, I try to ignore it by losing myself in some fake story on the TV. And there are many other things I do, and others do that prove we are sabotaging our lives – we are wasting precious time by letting what others do govern the next move or the next goal. There are many signs that this is true.

Indicators that you are sabotaging your life

1. You’re choosing comfort over change

Maybe it was once a good situation, the life you’re living right now, but things have been revealed, and it’s no longer the life you thought. In fact, it’s almost unbearable. However, it must not be bad enough for you to change it. I heard this saying once, and don’t remember where, but it fits this perfectly.

Once there was a dog that was sitting on a long sharp nail. A man asked the dog’s owner why the dog didn’t get up off the nail. He said it must be painful for him. The owner said, “when it hurts bad enough, he will move”.

That’s what happens to us. Sometimes we refuse to change because we’re not hurting bad enough yet. Eventually, if things don’t get better, the pain will become too much to take. That’s when we may give up the self-sabotaging behavior and get off that nail that’s driving deep within. That’s when we may make a better life for ourselves.

2. Blame is never allocated correctly

When something happens, you tend to either blame yourself when it isn’t your fault and blame others when it is your fault. This might not be the case 100% of the time, but it’s most of the time. Your focus is on “who did it?” and not on “what can we do to fix it?”.

Self-sabotaging behavior not only affects your life, but it also affects other people as well. When children are involved, it’s just confusing for them. After all, you’re trying to teach them the correct way to take responsibility.

3. You always want to fix people

I’ve spent two decades of my life in relationships fixing men. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting and it has taken a huge portion of my youth. It’s as if those years just went poof! right in front of me. I’m not trying to be insulting to anyone, it’s just that, I should have laid out the rules about who I am and then left if my expectations weren’t met.

Did I do that? No. Instead, I thought I could help them, change them, improve their standards in life. That was just so silly, and it still is.

Trying to fix people is like trying to nail jello to the wall. It just doesn’t stick, it doesn’t stay, and it makes a huge mess. Also, when you’re busy trying to fix people, you lose so much time on the things that matter the most, like your children and unconditional people in your life.

4. You’re using others to compare

I work at this all the time. I don’t find it as difficult as being judgemental, actually. Maybe I am too busy judging people to be jealous of them. However, every once in a while, I see happy people and wish I was like that. I see them smiling on social media and hugging loved ones. The picture says that their lives are perfect, but I know that those images are not the full truth.

But every once in a while, I sabotage my feelings when seeing marriages, Valentine’s gifts, and people who seem to have lots in common. I compare those things to the differences in my life, and I catch myself wishing my family was closer. It’s like falling into a trap, and then destroying yourself while you’re in there. It can be ruthless.

5. You magnify the negative

You never fail to notice every single negative thing that happens, but the positive things slip right by so easily. To be fair, many times, the negative things are things that happen over and over no matter how many times you’ve asked for them to stop, or how many times you’ve worked on making it better.

This makes it incredibly hard to see the victories as wins. In response to this, you develop depression and anxiety trying to make things work. You don’t mean to do it, but you sabotage any hope you could have by moving forward.

6. Worrying about what others think

I don’t do this much, but when I do, I make sure I worry incessantly. I guess you might say, I only worry about the things that will affect me personally. No, I don’t worry about what people think of my style or my hobbies, but I do worry about the fact that people probably think I am mean.

I can thank the men trying to manipulate those thoughts in my head. I am introverted, and most of us really don’t care about what others think, but sometimes, we would like to be accepted the way we are, and we sabotage ourselves trying to be something we’re not.

Okay, so, how are we going to stop this?

Well, first of all, we all need some time alone to think. We need to figure out if the place we’re at is our true destination, or are we supposed to make a change. This knowledge may take some time. Like I said about the dog, when it hurts bad enough, you will get up, and get out of the situation.

We should never forget what makes us happy as individuals. This doesn’t include what makes our husbands or wives happy. This is about us and us alone.

We should also make sure to take full responsibility for our actions but refuse to take responsibility for what someone else has done. Don’t let anyone convince you that something they’ve done is your fault. That can be a form of gaslighting. And having a healthy amount of care about how people think of you is okay. It does matter, but not to the point that you have to conform to a dress code or majority standard.

And then remember to be positive once in a while. Even though someone may be driving you crazy with their idiocy, try to see the good in every single moment. If you can’t see good where you’re sitting, leave the room and find it somewhere else.

I hope this has helped you to stop sabotaging your life. As for me, I’m still working on it, and I’m telling you, when I get it worked out, I don’t plan on making these same mistakes. Let’s hope not.

Be blessed.

Sherrie Hurd

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