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Terça-feira, 19 de Maio de 2020

5 Ugly Truths about Life That Will Make You a Better Person

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted May 19th, 2020.

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It isn’t always easy to become a higher version of yourself. There are ugly truths that must be faced in order to change for the better.

I’m not here to say you are a bad person. I cannot make that judgment. But the truth remains, there is always room for improvement, and you can see it in what you’re not doing.For instance, take a moment and write down a few positive actions you’re taking. Don’t write down your qualities, no, think about what you’ve actually done that’s brought about a positive outcome or helped someone. Ugly truths say that list may be short. It may be hard to think of any positive actions you’ve taken lately, even though you do mean well.

I can attest to this myself. I talk about all the things I want to do to help someone, but I only accomplish around a fraction of those things. To be a better person in life, I have to glance into the ugly face of truth for myself. There are many things I can do in order to become the person I want to be. It is hard sometimes to face up to this.

There are a few examples of ugly truths, in case you’re wondering what’s holding you back. Take a look.

Ugly truths that bring good outcomes

1. The world only wants what you can provide

No matter how good of a person you think you are, the world only cares how much you can provide with the skills you possess. Do you think the world thinks about your charming personality or your empathetic nature?

I’m sorry, but to the world, these things are just pretty icing on a cake that may or may not taste good to them. What the world wants is someone who can make money, build things, produce things, and provide any demand it throws out.

So, to be a better person, you must accept this truth. It may be a mean spirited attitude that the world has, but it’s the ugly truth, that the worlds wants. When you accept this raw honesty, what happens is you learn to love yourself despite what the world wants. You can choose to provide however you wish, and understand that this is what the world likes, but you can also appreciate who you are, and this makes you better for it.

2. People will let you down

Do you remember telling your best friend that secret and how they promised to never tell anyone? Yeah, they told someone, maybe even a few people. A good friend once told me that when you tell one person a secret, at least one other person will know, and so on. The ugly truth is, it is almost impossible to have a friend who doesn’t spill the beans occasionally, and at least to one individual.

And that’s not all, people will disappoint you in other ways too. If you think you will get into a relationship and it will be perfect, you are delusional. It will be bad at times, maybe many times. Your employer will not be perfect, your family will not be perfect. People are imperfect and they cannot do the right thing 100% of the time. So, get used to it.

3. What’s worthwhile requires hard work

You will never be able to have something truly special or productive if you don’t work really hard. I know this is not what you want to hear, but it’s the hard truth. You know those laid-back people who believe in “taking it easy”, yeah, they usually don’t fulfill great goals in their lives. I promise, just watch them for a while and see for yourself.

If you want to stand out and get a promotion, for instance, you must work your butt off and do so in such a way that you get noticed as a highly productive employee. If you work a little, you will reap only a small reward. If you stay busy and productive, you can fulfill great dreams.

4. Perfect happiness doesn’t exist

If you think some particular thing is all you need to be perfectly happy, you are wrong. There is nothing in the world that can make you happy to the point where you will have no other troubles.

True happiness is within, and I am sure you’ve heard this before. Now, this is true, but, this true happiness from within will also never be perfect. Life is not perfect, we are not either, and the ugly truth is… happiness is fleeting. However, there is nothing wrong with pursuing it anyway. Just always be aware that it doesn’t last forever.

5. You will die

Did you know that for the most part, we ignore the fact that we’re going to die? It might not be tomorrow, next month, or even next year. In fact, we may live a hundred years. But, the fact remains, we will die.

This is an ugly truth that should have you organizing your priorities and getting the most out of each and every day. But since we ignore, deny, or just turn our face away from death, we get lazy and we procrastinate. Yes, I guess I’m preaching doom and gloom here, but to be honest, you will, someday, somehow… die. So, face it and be better for it too.

The ugliness of truth will help you

Thinking that life is a fairy tale may be fun in the short term, but it will make you waste away in the long run. If we face things in truth, we can find ways to better use our time, hopefully, wisely.

I cannot brag about this at all. I think sometimes I am terrible at facing the truth and its ugliness, and I watch hours of television or scroll mindlessly on the computer. Is this a pattern you recognize in yourself.

I urge you, as a fellow procrastinator, to join me in facing the ugly truths of life. It will hurt, but just think of how worthwhile your life will be when you stop denying what’s really happening. We can do this.

I have faith in you.

Sherrie Hurd

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No religious or political creed is advocated here.

Organised religion is unnecessary to spirituality.

Excellent teachings of the masters have been contaminated by the dogmatic control of these religions.

Discernment yes; judgement does not.
If you use discernment you are free to research with an open mind.

With discernment it is possible to reach the spirit of the letter of any writing and it is also much easier to listen to the voice of the soul that comes from the heart.
Individually you can be helped to find your Truth that is different of everyone.

Please respect all credits.

Discernment is recommended.

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tags: happiness, life purpose, personal development, self-improvement, sherrie, sherrie h, sherrie hurd, success skills, work

publicado por achama às 19:07

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Domingo, 10 de Maio de 2020

How to Deal with Failure When Everything Goes Wrong

By Anna LeMind, B.A.

May 10th, 2020

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In these times of ubiquitous uncertainty, many people feel like everything is falling apart. Businesses fail, relationships are going through the trial of social distancing, loneliness and isolation are more intense than ever. For this reason, you may want to know how to deal with failure and uncertainty.

If you are feeling like a failure during this turbulent period, you are not alone. Whatever it is that you may have failed in, there are some things you can do to overcome it as quickly as possible and find the motivation to go on.

Hey, I know that you are tired of vague recommendations like ‘stay strong’ or ‘think positive’ that every single motivational article seems to feature. To be honest, they are not really helpful when everything goes wrong and you are feeling desperate. So I’m going to share with you a few actionable tips I use to deal with failure during these uncertain times. Hopefully, they will help you get through this difficult period.

How to Deal with Failure: 6 No-Nonsense Tips to Use When Everything Goes Wrong

1. Don’t overgeneralize

We often overgeneralize our situation when things go wrong and attribute the negative aspects of what’s happening to ourselves. Failing at something – especially during such challenging times we are living in – doesn’t mean that your whole life is a failure.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of beating yourself for your wrong choices or a lack of foresight. You might be blaming yourself for the things you did or didn’t do, which led you here where you are now.

However, never label yourself as a failure or incapable. This will only bring you more pain and despair. Your current situation doesn’t reflect who you are. You can become a success again, and all it takes is to face this adversity with all your resilience and learn from your mistakes.

2. Don’t catastrophize

It’s perfectly understandable if you are feeling like your whole world is falling apart. Like you are never going to be fulfilled or successful again and everything you have been working for so hard is gone for good. When we exaggerate the impact of the hardships that come our way, we fall victim to what is called catastrophic thinking.

Intense negative emotions like frustration and despair can blind you. When you fall into the abyss of this darkness, everything looks uglier than it is. Give yourself some time to gain a clear vision again and you will see that things are not as terrible as you thought. You will realize that it’s not over and you can still fix the situation and go on with your life.

3. Challenge your inner critic

If you are an overthinker and have the self-destructive habit of criticizing yourself, dealing with failure can be even harder. Are you getting too hard on yourself? Is your inner critic telling you ugly things about yourself? Is it even calling you names?

For a self-critical person, it’s a gloomy reality of dealing with hardships, no matter how small. If you are this kind of person, you always blame it all on yourself. While taking responsibility for your mistakes is a productive approach, dwelling on unhealthy guilt and negativity towards yourself is never going to do you any good. So how to deal with failure when you are a self-critical overthinker?

Just ignoring your self-deprecating thoughts can lead to repression and bitterness. So when your inner critic talks, don’t ignore it. Instead, challenge it. When it’s calling you names like a ‘loser’ or ‘worthless’, reply with positive statements about yourself.

It’s similar to using positive affirmations, but you can supercharge their power by giving yourself a specific reason why you are a capable/good/successful person. For example:

I am capable and competent because I run my own business
My life is a success because I have a happy family
I am a smart person, so I will succeed again

These kinds of statements are a more effective way to deal with failure and beat self-criticism than general affirmations like ‘I’m a good person’ or ‘I’m a success’. They also help you challenge your inner critic in a constructive way instead of giving in to its devastating negativity.

4. Recall the moments of joy and success

Our thoughts hold enormous power, and so do our memories. You’ve probably seen this power when you ruminated about something bad that had happened in your past. Thoughts of this nature create strong negative emotions, which are very real, even though the situation you are ruminating about is long over.

The good news is that you can use the power of your thoughts to your advantage too. When you are dealing with failure, turn to your memories of success. And I’m not talking just about having a quick glance at them in your mind. I’m talking about actually immersing into a moment when you felt like a success.

Make it a sort of meditation session. Sit somewhere quiet, close your eyes, and recall every detail of that memory. What day was it? What was the weather like? Who were you with? What were you wearing? Recalling these nuances will help you feel that moment and your feelings in all their glory.

In no time, you will feel more powerful and optimistic. You will realize that you still have many more moments of success in front of you, and the failure you are facing right now is not the end of the world.

5. Practice gratitude

Just like recalling a positive memory, focusing on the positive things or people in your life is a great way to deal with failure and lift your spirits. Even when it feels like everything goes wrong, it’s certain that your life still has a bright side. There are still things you can be grateful for but take them for granted, like we all do.

Sadly, we often start to truly appreciate something when life forces us to do without it. So, when life puts you face-to-face with failure, practicing gratitude is another way to see your situation in a more positive light.

Hug your special someone, spend quality time with your family, play with your kids. These experiences help you realize how lucky you actually are. Feeling the warmth of emotional connection and receiving the support of your dear ones will give you the motivation to go on and the power to push through any adversity.

And of course, don’t forget about the most obvious things that most people tend to neglect like health, income, and life itself. Even though your failure may feel like a real disaster right now, be certain that many people are in a much more unfortunate position than you are. So take a few moments to appreciate this treasure you have been taking for granted for so long.

6. Plan your next move

Finally, at some point, you need to pull yourself together and actually deal with your failure and its consequences. I understand that you may need some time to cope with your frustration and find the emotional strength to do anything.

But don’t dwell on failure for too long – if you are too busy ruminating and blaming yourself, you may miss the opportunity to actually solve the problem. Use the tips above to lighten your mood and as soon as you gain a clear vision and can think reasonably again, plan your next move.

Do your research, weigh your options, consider the changes you need to make. Most importantly, evaluate your previous decisions and mistakes that led to failure and think over the lessons you learned to make sure it won’t happen again.

If you manage to turn failure into your teacher, you will get out of it as a wiser and more resilient person than you were before. This means that facing failure may, in fact, help you succeed in life, no matter how controversial this may sound.

The bottom line is to act on failure and learn from it instead of just watching it ruin your life and end up feeling miserable and sorry for yourself.

To Deal with Failure, Remember This Simple Truth

In the end, the most important thing to remember when dealing with failure is that it too shall pass. So don’t give up just yet. There will be many more opportunities to succeed. Think about the lessons failure taught you about life, keep trying, and be sure that you have many more successes to celebrate in the future.

Anna LeMind

About the Author: Anna LeMind

Anna is the founder and lead editor of the website Learning-mind.com. She is passionate about learning new things and reflecting on thought-provoking ideas. She writes about science, psychology and other related topics. She is particularly interested in topics regarding introversion, consciousness and subconscious, perception, human mind's potential, as well as the nature of reality and the universe.

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tags: anna lemind, failure, motivation, personal development, self-confidence, self-improvement, success skills

publicado por achama às 17:35

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Quarta-feira, 19 de Fevereiro de 2020

5 Signs You Could Be an Insecure Overachiever and How It Ruins Your Life

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

February 18, 2020

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An insecure overachiever is someone who constantly strives to do better but never feels like they reach it. They tend to believe that their worth is based on their job, work or career. As a result, they are not confident in their achievements and crave praise to remind them that they are good enough. This impaired thinking is often based on past childhood experiences and poorly directed praise from their parents and role-models.

Overachievers with hidden insecurities are likely to be highly critical of their own work performance and have an unrealistic view of their own talents and abilities. They fear being inadequate, so they go above and beyond the call of duty to prove themselves to their co-workers and bosses.

You might be an insecure overachiever without even realizing it. It can be disguised as having general anxietytowards work or having too much passion for what you do. This makes it attractive to employers. They are able to ignore the dangerous effects this personality trait might have on a person and instead revel in the benefits of having an endlessly determined employee.
Signs You Could Be an Insecure Overachiever:
You Work Extra Long Hours

The trouble with needing to prove that you’re a hard worker is that there are very few ways to show how hard you’ve worked – especially when you struggle to feel pride in what you’ve produced. The usual way forward for an overachiever is to measure the hours you’ve worked. To this kind of personality, long hours equates to hard work and success.

These days, there are an awful lot of insecure workaholics and overachievers. Most workplaces are filled with people who never feel like they’ve done enough. This means long workdays are pretty commonplace. Like a vicious cycle, when they see others working long hours, overachievers feel like they have to do the same. There’s nothing worse than being at the bottom of the barrel, even if it’s entirely in your head.

Overachievers who suffer from insecurities find it hard to call it a day when a task hasn’t been finished. Instead of letting go until the next morning, they’ll work into the night. This can lead to all-nighters and sacrificing any other personal needs until the work is finished.
You Take Criticism Hard

An overachiever with self-esteem issues thrives on praise and validation. They need to know that their hard work has paid off, and they need to know that other people see it too. They are constantly trying to be the very best in their career and won’t be comfortable with anything less.

Unfortunately, it’s not possible to always produce flawless work. Sometimes, even when it’s minor, there are improvements to be made. To a perfectionist, like most insecure achievers tend to be, any form of criticism is hard to handle.

Hearing that the work they’ve produced isn’t perfect can send an insecure overachiever into a downward spiral. It could lead to even more excessive work hours and pressure, all in the name of self-doubt. This could result in feeling unworthy of their job and previous career success.
You Have Little Time for Other Interests

As an insecure overachiever, your life revolves around your work. This means there is little time for a social life, a family life, or any other hobbies. Weekends, nights and even holidays are spent working in the hopes of furthering your career and doing the very best you can do.

Prioritizing is also a difficulty for insecure overachievers. They regularly put work above anything else because they see it as the most important factor in their lives. Without it, their self-worth depletes and they lose their sense of identity. Constantly working allows them to feel the never-ending stream of self-esteem that they crave so much.

Having no time for other interests can make a person narrow-minded, though, and results in their work suffering. If you’ve ever looking to shed your overachiever skin, the best way to start is by loosening your schedule.
You Never Feel Good Enough

A key part of being an insecure overachiever is always feeling like your performance isn’t enough. You constantly strive to be better but never achieve it because the goal is distant, unrealistic, and often always moving. Overachievers who are secretly insecure rarely see the true value in the work that they produce, instead often nit-picking at its minor flaws. They are always searching for places to improve.

Self-critical overachievers are typically looking for praise in everything they do but aren’t always good at receiving it. They want to be told that they’re successful but struggle to believe it. This could come across as humble but is, in fact, the result of deep insecurity.
You Believe Your Success Is Just Luck

Instead of feeling confident in their skills and abilities, overachievers often remain insecure and have trouble believing that they have earned their career success. Instead, they assume that it’s just a case of “right place, right time” and maybe, extra hard work.

Insecure overachievers often suffer from imposter syndrome. This is the term used for people who don’t believe they deserve the recognition they’ve received. An overachiever with imposter syndrome fears that one day they’ll be exposed as a “fraud”. They see themselves as unworthy of their success and assume that one day someone will notice that they’ve never truly been good at their job, only lucky in the right moments.
Are You an Insecure Overachiever?

Being an insecure overachiever can be a pre-curser to all sorts of anxiety conditions and is dangerous for your health. The pressure to always be your very best, even when the “best” doesn’t really exist, creates stress on the body. There is hope though, with someone to talk to and good people around you, it is possible to undo the effects of insecurities and regain balance over your life.
References:

Becky Storey

About the Author: Becky Storey

Becky Storey is a professional writer who has been passionate about the way we think and the human mind since she developed chronic anxiety many years ago. Now she loves to write and educate people on mental health and wellbeing. When Becky is not writing, you’ll find her outside with her Labrador, sitting behind a jigsaw puzzle, or baking something with too much sugar.

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tags: becky storey, criticism, mental health, perfectionism, personality, psychology, self-esteem, stress, success skills, work

publicado por achama às 00:08

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Terça-feira, 4 de Fevereiro de 2020

The Feynman Technique and How to Use It to Learn and Understand Anything

Becky Storey.

https://www.learning-mind.com/

February 3, 2020

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Studying is stressful. It often leads to feelings of self-doubt and leaves us overwhelmed. We try our best (usually) and still sometimes we just cannot get our heads around a subject. We’re taught dozens of memory tricks and studying hacks, but nothing really sticks. Fortunately, there is a proven technique, used by Nobel-prize winning scientists, that will help you learn and understand whatever you want. The Feynman Technique is a renowned method for studying and learning.

It is based on the idea that if you can’t describe something in its simplest terms, then you probably don’t understand it. It was originally used on complex mathematical and science-based theories, but it’s great for any subject.

In particular, it’s great for those tricky subjects that require you to understand a concept, not just remember facts. By requiring you to practice active recall, you learn better than just reading and writing.

Origins of The Feynman Technique

This ingenious technique for studying and learning was created by Richard Feynman during his years at Princeton University. He went on to be a world-renowned physicist and a Nobel-prize winner. He was known as the “great explainer” because of his ability to put complex matters into the simplest of terms.

Richard Feynman discovered that if he couldn’t explain something simply, then he didn’t really understand it. During his time at university, he filled entire notebooks with topics he wanted to learn. He took on each topic and broke them down into tiny parts until he understood the entire concept.

The method spread in popularity and became known as the Feynman Technique. The theory behind the technique is that if you understand something fully, you can explain it simply. When we genuinely understand an idea or concept, we consider it simple. It’s not complicated in our minds, so we can discuss it in uncomplicated terms.

The Feynman Technique also gives learners the opportunity to see their problem areas clearly. You’ll either find yourself stuck with some parts with not enough information or, you’ll resort to using complicated language and jargon.

Have you ever noticed that if someone pretentious is trying to sound smarter, they use bigger words? This is because they think it makes them sound more intelligent, but in fact, they’re likely like regurgitating the study materials. If you can’t avoid the complicated words, it’s probably because you don’t know the topic well enough. If you can’t use your own words to explain something, you don’t understand it.

How to Do the Feynman Technique

Choose Your Topic

Decide what it is you want to learn. This technique is best used for subjects that require critical thinking and understanding.

Teach It to A Child

Explain your subject in a way a child would understand (or just somebody with no background in the subject).
This means breaking it right down and using the simplest language.
You could do this out loud to yourself or write it down if you don’t have someone else to help.

Identify Your Missing Knowledge

Make a note of what you struggled with.
Notice places where you used over-complicated wording and jargon to explain.
Notice places where you couldn’t recall the information.

Fix Your Missing Knowledge

Go back to the books.
Break down the knowledge you were missing into simple parts and understandable terms.
Re-learn the information.

Repeat these stages until you’re confident that you understand all of the information and you can explain it in simple understandable terms.

Benefits of the Feynman Technique

Unlike other studying methods, the Feynman Technique ensures a complete understanding of your subject. This technique increases our ability to think critically and analyse the topic. With a simple overall understanding of the concept, we are able to give opinions. This is particularly beneficial for essay writing and evaluations.

The Feynman Technique is great for those who don’t have strong language skills, like Richard Feynman himself. It actively encourages the use of simple language and doesn’t require writing if you don’t want to. It strips away the niche jargon which can complicate matters without knowing the extra definitions.

Instead of learning facts, figures, and definitions, the Feynman technique encourages holistic learning and true understanding.

Next time you’re struggling with exam prep and studying, give this technique a chance. It can be a quick and very straight forward method for learning. Cut out all the nonsense, all the note-taking, flashcards, and stress. Get a deep understanding of your subject in one simple hit.

Becky Storey

About the Author: Becky Storey

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